6-16-10

+ 'it is a great day for one of my favorite americans', craig ferguson shares, 'sarah palin is speaking out about the oil spill. she said, i am not kidding... god bless that woman, i really mean it! she said we should ask the dutch for help with spill because the dutch have the best dykes. let me get this straight, its ok to cover lesbians in oil, we just cant let them get married? is that what we are saying? which, by the way, you had me at 'lesbians covered in oil'. everybody is talking about the presidents big speech last night. the reaction is mixed. 10% of america wondered 'why would they delay craig ferguson for this?', and 90% of the country is like 'who the hell is craig ferguson?' alright, its more like 98 and 2%. anyway, obama said we need a new energy strategy, one with more alternatives like solar power. i agree, but lets not forget about lunar power. remember, the moon is what gives power to werewolves. and we can study them, i got dibs on that little twink from twilight! we really should take advantage of things we have an endless supply of, like the wind, or the sun, or the kardashians. now, i know the president was trying to take the long view, but talking about solar energy in the middle of the oil spill is like watching your house being engulfed in flames and saying 'you know, we really should change the curtains'. its not the time is what i'm saying. anyway, at this point its not really an oil spill anymore. a spill is an accident that can be cleaned up. calling this a spill is like calling world war II a tif. its a fucking disaster! sometimes only a cuss word will do.'

- tim allen