5-13-10

+ 'so listen, i went to go see a movie a couple weeks ago and the trailers were on', craig ferguson begins, 'and there was a trailer for the new tom cruise movie. now, i've been kind of tough on tom cruise here, i'm a late night host so i make fun of him for being short or having his crazy beliefs. its what you do if you have this job. i saw the trailer for this tom cruise movie and its awesome! so i've decided i'm making a complete 180. tom cruise is awesome and if you dont like tom cruise you can go and join al quida. thats right- tom cruise is an awesome movie star. now, i know what you are going to say, 'wait a minute craig, he's got crazy ideas!' thats right, he's a movie star! he's got crazy ideas and he stuck with them- he stuck with them! you dont see tom cruise going on dr. phil saying 'oh, i'm sorry, i'm going to go to rehab'. that's right! tom cruise doesnt care what you think. you know why? cause he's awesome!' craig then shows a preview of 'knight and day', 'so i see that and i think 'wait a minute, i've been making fun of that dude- what the hell is wrong with me?!?" so tonight i quit. i quit and i say to you this: tom cruise may be mad, he may be idiosyncratic, he may have beliefs that i may not necessarily have myself, but he can do kung fu on a plane! he can dive off a motorcycle and land on the windshield of a car and compliment cameron diaz on her dress! thats the type of movie star i want to see, everybody! so from now on, no more tom cruise jokes. oh, its going to be tough. in fact, i'm feeling it already. but i'm serious: he's awesome. i know you will be mad at me, but you will just have to deal with it. then we can have make up sex!'
- robert downey jr. he and craig had an awesome awkward pause!