+ 'this time of year christmas music is everywhere', craig ferguson shares, 'i'm sure somebody out there thinks i'm a scrooge because i dont love christmas music. 'come on craig', i can hear you say in that upbeat perky voice. 'get into the holiday spirit!' ive got plenty of holiday spirit, my front door is decorated with one of those giant novelty candy canes so when the carollers arrive i can beat them over the head with it! it annoys me when people call you a scrooge just cause you dont partake in forced merriment. i am not a scrooge because i dont hang missletoe everywhere. i am not a scrooge because i dont wear a christmas sweater. i am not a scrooge because i pooped in somebodys stocking at the cbs holiday party. probably shouldnt have said that last one. anyway, i'm taking a stand. i want to make this place a safe place for everyone who is called scrooge. its ok to be unhappy, this is a safe place for you to be miserable. you have a right to be grumpy obviously you cant sleep, you cant afford cable. you are my people, come on in. remember, ebenizer scrooge wasnt a kermudgin who didnt feel like going to another christmas party, he was a mizer and a bad person who wouldnt pay for a little boys operation. i havent done any of that... this year. i dont think that its being a scrooge to think that crazy out of control christmas excitement should be left for the young. i think its for young people. i remember as a kid i would go nuts for santa. we would leave out refreshments at christmas eve for him, a plate of cookies and a glass of wiskey'. the audience laughs. 'uh oh, unexpected laugh! why? wiskey? i'm from scotland! alcohol is built in to every major holiday! just cause you clap doesnt mean you are getting any wiskey! anyway, we would leave out at night a plate of cookies and a glass of wiskey. and then the next morning i would notice my dad's breathe would smell like wiskey and cookies. i was eight years old before it dawned on me that my dad had been making out with santa!'

No comments: