+ 'i was in nashville this weekend', craig ferguson states, 'i had a blast doing stand-up this weekend. when i got to the theater i saw this line around the block and i thought 'yes!', i knew right away that i was performing right next to a theater showing the harry potter movie. that movie made so much money this weekend, my audience was the only people in america that didnt give a rats ass about harry potter. or, i suppose, they could have seen both harry potter, then me, made it a double bill. first the gay wizard with the enormous magic wand, then harry potter. i packed light for nashville, just a couple shirts and my ass kicking boots. i made the boots myself, but i wont say what i made them out of. lets just say that my house is a couple ferrets lighter... its a joke, alright? its a joke ferret loving wren fair crazy people! its a joke! i dont have ferrets, i'm not actually french, my penis is actually regular size! one of those isnt true...'

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