+ 'now today, of course, was the busiest travel day of the year', craig ferguson announces, 'now, i'm not making this up, the TSA, the most popular organization in america right now, the TSA issued a reminder that gravy is not an allowed liquid. thats true! they actually had to tell people not to bring ziploc bags of gravy onto airplanes. so let me get this straight, they wont touch your gavy, but they will touch your jiblettes. the TSA has got the new pat down proceedure thats got everyone up in arms about it, cause its a lot more ball grabby. but let me tell you, if a stranger grabbing my nuts is the price we have to pay for security, then give me all the security i can handle! you better look again, we wont to be safe! anyway, lets not blame the TSA employees. do you think they were thrilled when the bosses came in and said 'ok, starting next week we are cupping everyones balls!' theyve got a job to do and they are doing it, so be sure to give them a smile and tip generously!'
- dwayne johnson the Rock! man, he's awesome! go see 'faster', its really good!

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