summary

lately craig ferguson has been getting a bit undressed at the end of his show. he started with just undoing his tie, and now takes off his shoes and socks as well.

craig got comfy, took off his shoes and tie and took a minute to summarize the show for us. here is the summary, and keep in mind, all of this was improvised: 'its getting late everybody, if youve stayed with the show this long, youve got to ask yourself a couple questions- first of all: why? are you really that lonely?!? but i think its been an interesting show, for example, what do you think weve learned tonight? well, weve learned that i shouldnt really drink coffee before the show, or take my extra hit of crystal meth... we had some wonderful guests on the show. aisha tyler was here, and we learned from her that hotel sex is better when there are two people in the room... let me rephrase that, at least two people in the room. we learned that i have one sexual position that i like, or indeed, know. we also learned from sir richard branson that rich people enjoy massage. we learned branson would like me to be the face of earth as we go into space. i think that we have learned that he is clearly insane. but hes very wealthy, so i kiss his ass anyway. we learned that branson founded 'virgin', but aisha tyler is not one.

good night everybody!!!'

richard branson

craig welcomes sir richard branson, the founder and chairman of virgin group. he walks in and immediately puts his feet up on craigs desk. craig realizes 'you are hugely wealthy, i should probably suck up to you a bit more' and proceeds to rub bransons shoulders, to which he replies 'not bad!' they then talk about a myriad of subjects, including hot air ballooning, and music. craig mentions one of his favorite albums that branson released, which happened to be the first and the reason for the forming of virgin music in the first place: mike oldfields 'tubular bells'.
craig asks him if he is still involved with the music side of his business and he shares that he is more involved in the space travel side of the business. virgin group has been working on providing zero gravity flights and bringing people up to experience that. he also talks about this new partnership with google, called 'virgle', where they are planning to send a manned space vessel for a one way trip to mars to colonize it. it designed to be a sort of noahs ark, filled with animals and plants and stuff. after much speculation on this idea during the interview, and by my friends and i over the next few days, i came to realize it was just part of an elaborate april fools joke. we all fell for it because it wasnt april 1. well, it wasnt april 1 when it was filmed, but it doesnt air until 12:30am that night, which would make it actually april first... oh, he got us good!
but then, branson does the worst thing you can do on a talk show. he shows terrible etiquette, and walks out as the camera pulls out for the commercial. come on, we know you have billions of dollars and much better things to do, richard, but at least stay until your segment is over...

jack benny

after craig ferguson returns from the commercial break after his first guest, he grabs his elbow and waves his hand about. he improvs for a little bit and tries to find a reason why he is standing that way 'im using advanced puppetry now to control my arm.' after playing with his arm in that position for a bit, he hits improv gold: 'you know, jack benny used to always stand like that. when he was doing comedy he would always stand like that, he was very funny... he would have no place on this show! i think its a funny way to stand, not quite as funny as this, obviously' craig then proceeds to turn around bend over and stick his hand through his legs to great comedic effect. 'but then what do we know about comedy?'

aisha tyler

craig ferguson welcomes aisha by saying 'my first guest tonight is a beautiful actress and comedienne, which is what you say if someone is a lady, and a comedian. your welcome people who dont know shit.' everyone in the audience laughed at this hysterically! granted, it was edited for tv, but was outrageously funny to hear live.

craig welcomes her in, after they have a seat he comments on her lovely outfit asking her 'are those what the kids are calling 'bloomers'?' she responds 'or knickers, but some times people dont understand you, and it starts fights, so its better to call them bloomers...' puzzled, craig asks 'that starts fights?' she explains 'someone says knickers- what did you call me?!? and it just goes downhill from there...'

the two of them chat about comedy gigs they have done in the past, and one that she is going to soon. craig explains its like an old sizzler restaurant. aisha agrees 'ahh, steak and comedy. people are like 'these shrimp are great- why is that black lady yelling?'.'

they go on to talk about aishas husband, who was her college sweetheart, and how they love to 'get busy' in hotel rooms she says there is just a different mentality to a hotel room, where she asks 'how can i get my dna on every surface of this room?'

flamenco!

after returning from his commercial break, craig ferguson usually talks to the camera a bit. this time, he decided to break out into a little dance! his dance of choice: flamenco! with quick steps and hand claps, he declares 'your welcome people that enjoy flamenco! 'finally, a show we can enjoy! that dancing with the stars is crap!''

the monologue

as the applause continued, craig ferguson claims 'you are behaving like giddy teenagers! and i like me some giddy teenagers. er, um...'

'well, its a great day for america everybody! why? well, its monday... thats right, way to go day of the week! only in l.a. do we applaud the days of the week...' then craig tells us that he is really buzzing, he had way too much coffee! hes past fidgety, now he in the zone!!! and for some reason he keeps flailing around his arms like an old man 'im practicing for when im on 60 minutes...'

craig talks about when he was in st. louis and really wanted some bbq. he got some, but what was even better was the fried chocolate ravioli! 'it is the best thing ive ever had in my mouth! well, for censorship reasons well say yes, the best thing...' 'they were great! fat, greasy, goes straight to my ass... remind you of anybody?!?'

next he talked about the start of the baseball season and how president bush threw out the first pitch for the nationals team. when he walked out at the field he was booed! craig says 'his approval rating was so low he left for europe the next day! you know its bad for an american president when the french look friendly by comparison.' at which point he does his impression of a frenchman 'i used to hate him, now i just dont care. and if americans hate him, maybe i like him. you dont know me america! i love you, i hate you, you will never know...' after the laughter died down, he went to a commercial break.

hello craig!

once craig ferguson stepped out, we were chearing as loud as we could eager to see him and to start the show! usually one of the first shots of the show is from a cameral behind the audience looking down at craig. well, i just so happened to notice this shot just in time, so i figured id make sure i could notice myself when it was shown on tv. i raised my hand at just the right minute and waved. if you look closely, you can see my hand in this episode still frame that i took.

audience member

and finally, we come to the episode i was there for! the last weekend of march aaron, jeffry lee, and i all went to visit adam in l.a., and one of the important requirements for my visit was that we would go and see craig ferguson. and we did!!! it was truly an amazing experience.

we arrived at cbs studios around two oclock to get in line for the show. the tickets asked that we be there by 3:45, but we wanted to make sure that we would have good seats (and because i was giddy about it all day and wouldnt leave everyone else alone). at around 3:30 the shepherded us all around the gates into a section of benches. by this point i was vibrating because i was so excited, words escaped me, all i could do was squeal like a little girl. and im not ashamed to admit it. as we waited for everyone to get through security i stopped in the gift shop and scooped up anything that had craig ferguson written on it! once the briefed us on what we would be doing and making sure that we understood that we must laugh- and laugh loudly so the mics can pick us up, we shuffled in. unfortunately they took away all of our cameras at the security check point, so i dont have any photos of the studio or performance.

after climbing up three flights of stairs, we were shuffled into what was a surprisingly small studio. we filled up the seats, which has a shockingly small amount of only 113 chairs! we got second row, and i was elated! a guy came out and introduced himself as the audience entertainer. he informed us about all the ins and outs about the different segments and commercial breaks. he told some jokes to test our laughing volume and and prepare us for the treat ahead.

finally the moment had come, shadow stevens, the shows announcer, introduces craig ferguson. he steps out, and we go wild! wow, there he is, right in front of me!!! ive been anticipating this day for about two years now, and here i am. awesome. he goes through his monologue and i cant catch my breath from laughing so hard! his guests come out one by one, aisha tyler was even more beautiful in person and very charming, richard branson is even more eccentric in person, and quite a trickster (this episode was to air on april fools day after all). and then its over. wow. my life is now complete, i have achieved nirvana. thank you craig for one of the highlights of my life (i am fully aware of how sad that is, but i dont care)!!!

3-26-08

+ craig ferguson starts off by mentioning that oliver stone is making a new movie about pres bush. most of the cast has been announced, except for vice pres dick chaney. craig jokes that it will be played by elmer fudd!

recently in the news there were some kids who found a parachute in a field in washington state and found a parachute which is believed to have been the parachute used by infamous thief d b cooper, who was never found after he jumped from a plane with $200,000 in stolen cash. 'after the parachute was reported on the news, mc hammer called and said he wanted his pants back.'

+ finally, the return of the prince of late night in england! craig once again portrays prince charles as the host of a late night talk show called 'the rather late programme'. this is a very common bit that he performs, but for the past couple months he has been filming as prince charles out in l.a., but its good to see this silly sketch back in fine form!

- pamela anderson

- christian siriano from project runway. craig tells him straight: 'your over using the word 'fierce', fierce has to go. may i make a suggestion: how about 'snazzy'?' i love it!!!

email bowie

another new email jingle, this time its in the style of david bowie! craig commented that david bowie is one of his favorite rock stars out there, the particularly loves bowies english gentleman period 'every line that he sang always went up at the end like everything was a question!'

3-25-08

+craig ferguson talks about the lie hillary got caught in when she says that she was caught in snipper fire when she went to bosnia. he informs us that cbs who first reported on the story, the funny thing is though that the man who broke the story was sinbad! at which point craig decides to take a stand: 'i like sinbad! you can keep your high class comedians, ill take sinbad any day!'

+ remembering that its 'dr seuss week', craig puts on a seuss hat and gives a 30 second monologue recap for whos, which is given is rhyme.

+ for some reason craig goes off on a tangent about jared from subway. 'he lost so much weight by eating sandwiches- clearly he has a tapeworm!' and then he gives an opinion, which i share, that renee zelwegger is much more attractive when she had the extra pounds she gained for 'bridget jones diary'.
- thandie newton

> dom irrera
+ lately craig has been loosening his tie at the end of the show, but tonight he goes all out and starts taking off his shoes and socks, gets comfortable, and lays down on his chairs 'its just you and me now. i live here, so ive got no where to go...'

email punk

one of the original email introductions, this one focuses on the punk rock theme.

email freakshow

craig introduced another email time animation, this one was very elaborate and focused on a circus sideshow theme. craig admits 'man, these little dittys are better than the actual show!'

3-24-08

+with the movie 'horton hears a who' the number one movie of the weekend, craig ferguson decides that he is going to have a special 'dr seuss week'. he admits that he loves to read seuss books, and breaks into a seussian rhyme 'i like to read them to my son, i like to read them while i run. i like to read them in a van, i like to read them on the can! i like to read them by the clock, i like to read them while i touch my... computer!'

he comments on how many movies have been made from seuss' books, but wonders how they would be able to make one out of 'green eggs and ham'. he busts into a movie announcer voice 'in a world with strangly colored food, one man refuses to eat... starring sean connery as sam i am, and william shatner as 'the ham'.'

+ craig sits down at his desk and reads his favorite dr seuss story: 'too many daves' which you can read here.

- laurence fishburne wearing a crazy hoodie. yeesh, is he trying to look like hes 15?

- rashida jones

> joe devito

3-19-08

todays monologue theme is animal news! craig ferguson starts by saying today there is some big cat news' which he explains, 'is the late night way of saying 'light news day'.' he says that there was recently born a mix of a leopard and a house cat, which he affectionately refers to as a 'leopuss'. he goes on to share a bit about bird news and llama news. by llama, he means the dalai lama. he then goes on to say that the dalai lamas religion believes in reincarnation. he explains that reincarnation means 'made flesh again' and that its the idea that we come back after we die as someone or something else. he admits 'most people think they used to be someone important like a king or queen, i like to think of myself as a victorian prostitute. not necessarily then, but i mean now i do'.

+ a 'dear aquaman' skit, and then craig goes into talking about what a 'cougar' is. he doesnt mean the cat, rather the newer definition: 'an older woman who is hot to trot for a younger man. they have a word for men who are like that- its called a man!'

- parker posey

= graham colton

3-18-08

+ craig is interested in a couple new shows. the first is 'the bachelor' and craig is not too pleased about it. the new guy is from england and full of himself. craig shows a clip of one of the drunken ladies slipping a pair of her underwear into his pants pocket, to which the bachelor explains 'this is not cool'. craig gets a bit flustered, 'i dont know what kind of backwards girly country you come from mac, but from where i come from, that is cool! and if you dont think a drunk woman in a glittery dress putting her underwear into your pocket isnt cool, then get the hell out of america!'

+ when he gets back to his desk he notices something in his pocket, he proceeds to pull out a gigantic pair of womens underwear- yikes! he also does a thirty second monologue recap, and then a recap in dog language.

- kate beckinsale

- ken tucker, writer and editor for 'entertainment weekly'

3-17-08

+ craig got a new set! it kinda looks a lot like the old set, just bluer, and with shiney floors. its saint patricks day, and craig is celebrating by wearing, under his suit, a green speedo 'which is a snug fit. granted, ive never known a speedo without a snug fit...'

the whole eliott spitzer scandal with the high class hookers has just broke, and craig is wondering what exactly makes a call girl high class? 'probably the english accent.'

+ a funny u2 skit that has bono questioning why we have to resort to bad irish stereotypes every year on st. patricks day. the edge, of course, systematically fits into each and every one of them.

- ray romano

- kate flannery, meredeth from 'the office'

> jeff caldwell

3-07-08

+ when craig first gets out and introduces the show he begins talking in an old english accent, which he decides makes him sound like an old dickens character, or jeff goldblum... 'no christmas for you!' he then goes on to discuss the movie '10,000 bc' and informs us it is set in the mesolithic period which was populated by many different species of man: the cro-magnon, the neanderthal, and the most archaic- the baldwins, who are always 'snuflin around for treats.'

+ his favorite example of a caveman film is 'one million years, bc' which starred raquel welsh. he shows the famous poster of her in a fur bikini. when he had her on the show he found himself still feeling a bit funny in his trousers... 'i got asked if i would still like to, you know, with her. and ive got to be honest, even at 67 she still wouldnt let me...'

- amy sedaris

- shanna moakler from entourage

= blake shelton

king of the (late late) hill

ive been saying it for years, and i guess im not the only one who seems to think craig ferguson is the funniest of all the late night hosts! i just spotted this in the news section of imdb.com (the full article appeared in reuters, found here):

Ferguson Beats O'Brien For First Time
In what must have come as a shock to NBC, which plans to replace Jay Leno with Conan O'Brien next year, the latest ratings for late-night shows revealed Thursday that CBS's Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson beat O'Brien's Late Night for the first time in which both shows aired original shows opposite one another. According to Nielsen figures, Ferguson averaged 1.88 million viewers last week to O'Brien's 1.77 million. Peter Lassally, the executive producer of Ferguson's show, which is produced by David Letterman's World Wide Pants, told the Associated Press that Ferguson is "having such a good time that you can't resist it as a viewer."

audience participation

i am going to california this weekend and i have tickets to see craig live on monday! ever since i first talked to my friend about going out there and seeing him i always told him 'ill come, as long as we go see craig.' well, he is a man of his word, and i will be seeing craig tape his show in less than a week! i am super excited!
it looks like the guest list was recently posted on his website, and on monday it will be neil patrick harris! wow!!! ill actually be there to see craig talk with barney! needless to say, i am very excited about the whole thing...

*update* looks like the guest list has changed, now its going to be aisha tyler and richard branson. oh well, im sure it will still be a blast!

in this corner...

recently entertainment weekly did an article of 'whos better?' matchups. they pitted different shows or movies against each other and had two writers defend one or the other as the best. matchups included x-files verses lost, bob dylan verses kelly clarkson, star wars verses star trek, etc.
well, one of those matchups was quite exciting: craig ferguson verses conan obrien. one writer defended craigs comfortable style and european wit, while the other stuck up for conans chaotic humor and non sequiturs.

i think the title of the matchup explains who won...

3-06-08

+ the latest 'richest man in the world' list has just come out and warren buffett is number one. 'take that bill gates!' says craig shaking his fist in the air, 'who is warren buffett anyway? is it jimmys brother? maybe he made all his money inventing the all-you-can-eat buffet!'
the monologue is especially funny tonight because its obvious that he has a terrible crowd and its an up hill battle for him the whole time. he makes a go of it, but cant quite get them on his side. its quite interesting to see him try to win them back.
+ the next installment of 'prince charles in l.a.: keeping it royal' shows him trying to fend off the paparazzi while going out on a date with shanna moekler. its funny, and shanna is quite funny playing along with the setup.
- wanda sykes from 'new adventures of old christine'
- saffron burrows from 'the bank job' and 'boston legal'
- grizzly bear they actually sounded kind of cool, they had great harmony. oh, and great fake mustaches...

3-05-08

+ craig starts by telling us of his enthusiasm for the show 'project runway', a clothing design competition. 'its kind of like american gladiators, but less gay' he admits. he shares a great quote by oscar wilde who said 'fashion is an ugliness so intolerable we have to alter it every six months', but cites that wilde also said 'im drunk, lets find some sailors!' project runways hosted by heidi klum who is married to seal. craig speculates that she must have met him when she went out clubbing...

+ it seems that craig was at one time a male model! he says he was very punk rock at the time, and realizing the irony of it, says at that age 'i never wanted a job where i would have to wear a suit and sit behind a desk...'

- dennis hopper talks about his motorcyle trips and invites craig to tag along sometime

- yunjin kim who plays sun from lost

= nicole atkins

3-04-08

before i get to the show, i must admit that i didnt get to see all of it. due to election news coverage, my dvr did not tape the second half of the show, so i didnt get to see any of the guests, which really aggravates me because collective soul was going to be on! argh!!!

+ there was a recent 20/20 special on the british monarchy, craig tells, that was quite interesting. barbara walters, or as craig calls her 'americas perky sweetheart', talks with and about the royal family. he concludes that the monarchy are a bunch of losers with terrible teeth. i cant say i disagree.

+ craig talks about how he is excited to see the new fox show 'new amsterdam' about a 400 year old detective trying to solve crimes. he shares how new york used to be controlled by the dutch and signs of their involvement are still seen today- both harlem and brooklyn were originally named by the dutch. hmm, interesting. thats what we love about ya craig, we get a good laugh and we learn something new...

+ an emailer asks an interesting question: 'since the fda recently approved cloned beef for sale in grocery stores, doest that mean you can have the same burger twice?'

then, sadly, my recording ends.

3-03-08

+after a bit of a microphone problem, craig starts getting political. it is a primary tuesday, and its being touted as a 'super tuesday' sequel, so craig ponders on what the sequel should be called and concludes it should be known as 'super tuesday 2: legend of curlys gold'. he mentions that jack nicholson has recently released an ad in support of hillary clinton that shows clips from some of his movies and ends with him saying he supports hillary. craig responds 'that doesnt make me want to go out and vote! it doesnt say 'vote', it says 'stay away from booze!' you cant handle vermouth...'
-brooke shields boy, there is a lot of flirting going on...
-> ming tsai a funny chef who makes craig some 'mings bings'
> michelle biloon a rather unfunny comedian

2-29-08

+ its leap day, and craig is leaping around in topics to talk about. he mentions a blackout in florida, and figures all the old people werent too shocked, they just thought it was their time to go... except that there was no light at the end of the tunnel- no lights at all! he mentions the movie 'the other boleyn girl' which stars scarlett johanson and natalie portman. 'i think they were already in a movie together called 'underpants pillow fight', or maybe that was just in my head...'
+ an interview with (fake) arnold schwarzenegger has him giving his support for a presidential candidate: 'i support john mcclane for president'. close, but im pretty sure its supposed to be john mccain...
-coolio talking about his youtube series of cooking advice
= dweezil zappa
< jason randal a magician with whom craig seems to really get along with.
craig continues his new friday night tradition of loosening his tie at the end of the week.

in the news

last month msnbc.com ran an article about craig. it speaks of his more intimate style of sharing with the audience instead of a canned written monologue that all the other late night guys seem to do.

heres a quote: "During his show (weeknights at 12:37 a.m. EST), Ferguson is a kinetic cutup, loose-limbed and quick-witted. While he carries on, his face cycles briskly from wide-eyed wonderment to sly knowingness, naughty flirtation, that expansive, charming grin."

not bad, huh? the rest of the article can be found here.

2-28-08

+ tonight craig has his mind on money. he starts by mentioning how michael jackson might have to sell off his neverland ranch, he wonders why celebrities waste all their money on such foolish things 'you know, giraffes in the back yard isnt really a sound real estate investment...'. he goes on to quote george best, a famous irish footballer, who, talking of his fortune, said 'ive spent 90% on booze, women, and fast cars. the rest i just wasted.' he goes on to rail against donald trump, who dispenses the advise 'think big and kick ass'. to which craig points out that it also helps, like in trumps case, to have a daddy give you your first twenty million...
+ while behind his desk he talks of something that is dank, smelly, and dirty, thus eliciting his catch phrase '...remind you of anyone?' to which there is a great celebration! it seems that he has just said his 1000th 'remind you of anyone?'! congrats craig, its the little things that are so important...

+ the latest installment of 'prince charles in l.a.: keepin' it royal' is shown as he looks for a job, and we are even treated to a 'michael caine in space'!

- natasha henstridge

- carl bernstein, one of the journalists who cracked the watergate scandal.

> steve mazan

email time

one of the funny bits that craig does is that he reads and answers viewer email. each time he does it he always asks 'do we have time for an email?' and looks off camera to a producer. the answer is always yes. a while ago he started having a special 'email time' graphic and song. it always includes a little ditty, and some form of craig looking silly. he has gone through many different musical genres, the latest of which is 80s new wave. the song is quite silly because its a perfect spoof!
click the 'email time' link in the labels just below to see all the different variations so far.

2/27/08

+ earlier in the day craig went to the dentist to have a tooth removed. he said he was still feeling the after effects of the dentists drugs, and his loopy mood was a sure sign of that! hes pumped full of medication, you know what that means: davis is back! davis is his imaginary sidekick that pops up every once in a while to great comic effect. i do love me some davis!

craig talked about why he had the tooth removed- now that he is an american citizen, he needed to get rid of the last british things about him, thus the tooth must go! but he did say that he was not going to get rid of his speedos- 'youll have to pry them from my cold dead nads!' he talks about the poor dental health of those back home, 'back in scotland we didnt go to the dentist, it was against the law! too fancy.'

+craig ponders how it is that dentists always want to talk just after they begin putting their hands in your mouth. and somehow they are able to understand the nonsense mutterings you make. 'its the same skill used to understand paula abdul'.

+an emailer asks 'why do you always slap the desk?'. without skipping a beat, craig responds 'well, its rude to slap the guests.'

- eric bana, sporting a shaved head

- partrica clarkson

= barry manilow (who i still think stole the emmy from craig. im not bitter... much)

2/26/08

+ craig talks a bit about the upcoming election and all the arguing going on between obama and clinton. he just wishes them both luck by offering this encouragement: 'may the best man win!'

today starbucks was closed for three hours and craig goes off on a great rant about the place. first, he mentions that its named after the first mate from the book 'moby dick'. asks why they didnt just call the place 'moby dicks', then he realizes that name is already taken, its the name of a bar in west hollywood... a wink at the camera, 'call me, ishmael!' a great joke for those who are familiar with the book! well done, craig, way to keep it literate!

+ a little suggestion for keeping a dog busy for hours- put peanut butter in its teeth! oh, it works on old people too...

- regis philbin. he seems to very don rickles like, they seem to share a similar sense of humor.
= alice smith.

2/25/08

+ it seems that craig has created for himself a new catchphrase: 'what can you do? hes-a crazy!' and finds hilarious uses for it through out the episode. he talks about his trip up to wisconsin over the weekend to do stand-up, and reminds us where wisconsin is using another silly map. he mentions that he played in an indian 'gaming facility', and obsesses about how cold it was there!

+ craig posses and interesting question: have you ever seen barbara walters and andy rooney in the same place? perhaps they are really the same person!! he also shows a clip of 'atonement' crossed with his favorite movie of the year: ghost rider! uptight british people with flaming skulls for heads- amazing!

- jennifer beals. she totally has a crush on him!

- carrie ann inaba. a judge on some worthless show, and she laughs too much. creepy.

= little big town.

2/22/08

+craig talks about the latest news that parker brothers has begun developing its popular board games to be made into movies. 'what a ridiculous idea!' he breaks out into a movie announcer guy voice 'in a world where you cant pass go...'!

he goes on to talk about how terrible the whole red carpet this is at award shows. "all it is is gay guys saying things like 'oh, angelina looks terrible in that...' no she doesnt! you are just a bitter old drag queen!" it reminds him of guys who eat the buffet at strip clubs, theyve given up on sex and food.

+ one of craigs frequent guests betty white comes out to help with a gag. she comes out and pretends to be an accountant for pricewaterhousecoopers, the company responsible for keeping the oscar results secret.

- fred willard. he is always so cooky!

- rachel bilson. talking about 'jumper'

+ he seems to be starting a new tradition since the writers strike ended. at the end of each friday night show he loosens his tie and tells us all to enjoy the weekend. i dig it.

2/21/08

+ craig briefly talks about the john mccain affair scandal. he asks why we are so hard on these people? everyone makes mistakes. he asks 'if we dont make mistakes, how can you be expected to learn anything?'

+ craig gets a kick out of the fact that you can get away with saying almost anything, as long as you start off by saying 'allegedly...' and then he goes on a rant about how he hates squirrels- 'all they are are rats with fur coats! just earthbound pigeons! all they do is steal your nuts, but dont do anything with them, they just hide your nuts!'

+ when we come back there is some guy doing an impression of craig, introducing his guest prince charles (played by craig). it was funny, but who ever they have doing the craig impression is terrible! wow, its really bad and not that funny.

- don rickles. i cant really tell, is he still funny? im not sure, i think he might be funny out of respect for all those who seem to love him, but his jokes are all so racist that im not sure if it really is funny...

- joe mantegna. he appears in the larry the cable guy movie 'witless protection'. wow, when did he start to sink so low?

2/20/08

+craig talks about a swiss inventor who created a new car, based on inspiration from james bond, that goes underwater ('does it have windshield wipers?'). as a little helper, he shows another funny map so we are aware of where switzerland is.

today marks a very special day: craigs gives his new imaginary sidekick a name! all last week craig was feeling sick, and he took doctor prescribed medicine, and started acting especially loopy! he announces that his sidekicks name is davis!!!

+ an emailer asks a very interesting question: 'why do you say welcome back after a commercial break? we didnt go anywhere, and neither did you.' this flusters craig, he says that its just the way things are done. 'its just an expression, like 'i do'...'

+ craig calls the b.s. that is 'american idol'. its just garbage. followed by a new 'simon cowell m.d.' skit.

- tom selleck. hes got a new 'jesse stone' dvd coming out.

- dario franchitti. a nascar driver.

= ziggy marley.

2/19/08

+ craig talks about the fact that after all these years, fidel castro finally steps down. he reminds us where cuba is located with another funny map!

+ an emailer asks a good question: 'why doesnt glue stick to the inside of the bottle?' hmmm...

+ they roll a few funny clips from different oscar nominated movies including a 'no country for old men' spoof that has the killer sucking down the helium- 'call it, friend-o'! also a clip from 'juno' with silly voices.

- andre benjamin. he is appearing in 'semi-pro', and he and craig cannot seem to get off the topic of body hair...

- craig bierko.

> melinda hill. why do almost all women comedians act like airheads and speak with such ridiculous high voices? maybe im alone on this, but i usually get so annoyed by this that i dont often find them funny.

2/18/08

presidents day.
+craig begins by talking about the nation of denmark, at which point he shows a silly map pointing out where it is found on the map. he begins talking about soren kierkegaard, a danish philosopher. he announces that there are three philosophical truths: 1. i think therefor i am. 2. believe those who are seeking the truth, but doubt those who say they have found it. 3. he who smelt it dealt it.

+vending machines. he asks why is it that vending machines always spit the dollar back out? 'im trying to give you money, and you dont want it?!? ill walk away, mister!'

+a couple skits: 'U2 film review', which is a funny take on this years oscar nominated pictures. and a 'simon cowell m.d.' skit.

- alice cooper. introduced as 'the kierkegaard of rock and roll!'

- angela kinsey. angela from 'the office'. surprisingly speaks fluent indonesian.

= wyclef jean.

map legend

here is a key into how i will organize each shows entry:

the title will be the date of its original airing.

the monologue and other segments with out guests will begin with a '+'. each segment after a commercial break will begin the same way.

once the guests are on, each segment will begin with a symbol as well. they will be designated as follows:

- actors or celebrity figures

= musical acts

>comedians

-> chefs

the deal

so heres the deal: i decided that it would be cool to keep a record of craigs shows. its a bit ridiculous and meticulous, but its fun. so from now on i will be including rundowns of the shows, guest lists, photos, and other little tidbits from craigs shows.

i know this is quite an undertaking, but i think it will be great. hopefully you enjoy it too!

traffic ploy

craig ferguson craig ferguson craig ferguson craig ferguson craig ferguson late late show craig ferguson craig ferguson craig ferguson late late show craig ferguson craig ferguson craig ferguson craig ferguson craig ferguson craig ferguson late late show craig ferguson craig ferguson craig ferguson craig ferguson late late show craig ferguson craig ferguson craig ferguson craig ferguson craig ferguson craig ferguson craig ferguson late late show craig ferguson craig ferguson craig ferguson craig ferguson late late showcraig ferguson craig ferguson craig ferguson craig ferguson craig ferguson late late show craig ferguson craig ferguson craig ferguson late late show craig ferguson craig ferguson craig ferguson craig ferguson craig ferguson craig ferguson late late show craig ferguson craig ferguson craig ferguson craig ferguson late late show craig ferguson craig ferguson craig ferguson craig ferguson craig ferguson craig ferguson craig ferguson late late show craig ferguson craig ferguson craig ferguson craig ferguson late late showcraig ferguson craig ferguson craig ferguson craig ferguson craig ferguson late late show craig ferguson craig ferguson craig ferguson late late show craig ferguson craig ferguson craig ferguson craig ferguson craig ferguson craig ferguson late late show craig ferguson craig ferguson craig ferguson craig ferguson late late show craig ferguson craig ferguson craig ferguson craig ferguson craig ferguson craig ferguson craig ferguson late late show craig ferguson craig ferguson craig ferguson craig ferguson late late show

a brief history (part 2)

in my regular blog i have referred to craig quite often, below is a quick recap of some of the things i have mentioned about him earlier:

friday, october 07, 2005:

for the past month or two i have come to discover a new truth in life. it is one that i know most of my friends would really look down on me for, but i feel convicted. growing up most of my life thinking one certain thing to be true, but then slowly discovering that there is a better option, a stronger voice in the crowd. it has been a very difficult journey to this point, but now i feel as if i dont stand up and say it, then i am denying who i am. and i refuse to let society and those around me try and bully me out of what i feel is right. so i come to you with conviction in my heart as i say to you this: craig ferguson is funnier than conan obrien.

january 02, 2oo8:

'hello everybody, and welcome to the late late show, i am your host craig ferguson. its a great day for america...' thats how craig always starts out his show, and tonight was the first time ive heard it in far too long. why? because craigs back on the air!!! ive been waiting eight long weeks for this. along with every other show on tv, it has been affected by the writers strike. now, the strike itself is a good think if it gets the writers more money, but im sick of it and i am glad craigs back on the air. for some reason david letterman got the writers guild to allow writers back to his and craigs show. i dont know how, but im happy.
and tonights episode, let me tell you, was a great one! i knew the strike was coming back in november, and i tried to plan ahead by keeping some episodes in reserves on the tivo for whenever i might need my craig fix. well, that went dry a couple weeks ago, so this is perfect timing for me! tonight craig was in fine form- it was very obvious that he was excited to be back. he was grinning ear to ear the whole monologue and sounded positively giddy the whole time. we was going off on tangents the whole night and making himself laugh just as much as he was making me laugh! there were no guests on the show tonight, rather, they had a bunch of skits to show off the great writing. in one bit he answered a phone call from the governor, but said 'hello?' before he picked up the phone- he started laughing at himself and riffing on it so much that they almost had to scrap the skit because there wasnt going to be enough time!
all i can really say is that im glad hes back on with new shows, i was running out of great jokes i try to pass off as my own material!

monday, february 11, 2008:

after a couple years of him joking about it, craig ferguson finally became an american citizen! hes always had jokes like 'i better be careful what i say, they could deport me!' and just a few months ago he challenged everyone to ask their local mayor to accept him as an honorary citizen. he finally took the test, and he passed! last week they showed him at a mass meeting being sworn in, and now he is a full fledged citizen, he can vote and everything!
as a way of celebrating him now being an american, he had on a really cool scottish band called the wicked tinkers. its a cool band made up of guys playing drums, bagpipes, didgeridoos, and other strange and fun instruments. they have been on the show once before, they performed on the show as a tribute to his father soon after he passed away. it was really a very moving episode, to be honest. but this time they were there to celebrate! and boy, did they. craig even loosened his tie, grabbed a drum, and joined in! they actually played two songs, and it was a riot! it was fun to see craig genuinely excited and loving it- it was very contagious!

a brief history (part 1)

i used the watch the late late show several years ago. i always enjoyed the comedic stylings of craig kilborn. he had a sort of northeastern sense of humor, a bit ivy league. he also seemed to have an interest in morrissey, which would be the reason i would tune in most times...
when i heard he was stepping down from the show i was a bit surprised. he hadnt had the job that long, and he was already moving on. well, i guess it made sense, he did the same thing at comedy central with 'the daily show.'
soon after, cbs announced that they were going to pick between three different guest hosts. one of them was michael ian black, who i recognized from 'best week ever' and 'stella'. another canditate was that scottish guy from 'the drew carrey show'. there were a couple more, but i dont remember who. i was pulling for black, i had never seen him do any of his guest hosting, but i thought he was quite funny in those other shows. when the official announcement came that craig ferguson had gotten the job, i figured i should tune in and see what was so great about this scottish guy.
and boy, did i figure it out quickly!

welcome

due to my near obsession with craig ferguson on the late late show, i decided it might be a good idea to funnel that energy into a website, ya know, instead of stalking...