the monologue

as the applause continued, craig ferguson claims 'you are behaving like giddy teenagers! and i like me some giddy teenagers. er, um...'

'well, its a great day for america everybody! why? well, its monday... thats right, way to go day of the week! only in l.a. do we applaud the days of the week...' then craig tells us that he is really buzzing, he had way too much coffee! hes past fidgety, now he in the zone!!! and for some reason he keeps flailing around his arms like an old man 'im practicing for when im on 60 minutes...'

craig talks about when he was in st. louis and really wanted some bbq. he got some, but what was even better was the fried chocolate ravioli! 'it is the best thing ive ever had in my mouth! well, for censorship reasons well say yes, the best thing...' 'they were great! fat, greasy, goes straight to my ass... remind you of anybody?!?'

next he talked about the start of the baseball season and how president bush threw out the first pitch for the nationals team. when he walked out at the field he was booed! craig says 'his approval rating was so low he left for europe the next day! you know its bad for an american president when the french look friendly by comparison.' at which point he does his impression of a frenchman 'i used to hate him, now i just dont care. and if americans hate him, maybe i like him. you dont know me america! i love you, i hate you, you will never know...' after the laughter died down, he went to a commercial break.