+ 'wait till you hear, you are going to be so jelous', craig ferguson teases, 'we here in california are getting driverless cars. they are the cars that run completely on sensors and gigabites and ipods and stuff. they do it. california governor jerry brown signed legislation today to make it happen. soon we will be able to buy a car that will drive itself. wow! what next? bread that toasts itself, gum that chews itself, nfl games that referee themselves? i dont know if driverless cars will affect us here in l.a., its not really a car town... no, the driverless car should be available in about ten years. i'm thinking 'wow, by then i'll be almost 40... just in time for my first midlife crisis. i can buy a big convertible that drives itself and i'll sit in the back and do something private. like cry. whilst masturbating in the olden days people had to pull a crank to start their cars, now with cars that drive themselves, you can pull your crank!'
- jim parsons