+ 'it was a scary day at the naval shipyard in maine', criag ferguson shares, 'workers building on a new destroyer discovered in the guided missile system had been compromised by spiders! they weren't just any spiders, the missile tubes had been taken over by deadly black widows! worst of all, the deadly black widows came from los angeles! i'm sure the spiders arent happy about the situation either, the crawled into a warm box in southern california and they ended up in maine in december! its cold in maine in december. how cold is it? so cold they are dipping lobsters in hot coco. its so cold santa's sack is creeping back into his body. the black widow spider gets its name cause the female kills the husband after they mate. well, they are not technically married, there's no ring on the spider's leg. she kills him as soon as she gets her lusty spidery desire satisfied. but it makes me think why do male spiders keep getting it on with black widows? in ancient mythology, spiders are a sign of patience. they spend all that time weaving their web and then they wait until the unsuspecting prey stumbles into it and then its all over in a matter of minutes. now a days we would call that 'kardashian marriage'.'
- sean hayes
* john hodgman