+ 'its the night before my favorite holiday!' craig ferguson exclaims, 'it is! its thanksgiving eve, i'm so excited! 'twas the night before thanksgiving and i'm out of breath, i've been in the kitchen all day cooking up meth! thats my thanksgiving poem, i always say that! i know people are like 'come on craig, cant you say something classy on this magical night?' all right then: 'twas the night before thanksgiving and the foods in the oven, and i'm in the bedroom performing self lovin'! it is the night before thanksgiving, unless you live in canada, in which case, thanksgiving was a few weeks ago, so enjoy your round bacon and your hockey, you heathen bastards! what the hell? thanksgiving weeks before we have it?!? thanksgiving is, of course, the day we give thanks. as a vulgar late night entertainer i have much to be thankful for this year. there was congressman anthony wiener who texted his wiener, there was gerard depardieu who got his wiener out on a plane, and arnold schwarzenegger who had his wiener professionally cleaned! the good thing about these holidays is that you can look at all the jokes through out the year and use them again! thank you comedy gods for this weineriffic bounty!'
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