+ 'its a terrible week for us here in los angeles,' craig ferguson shares, 'first we had to say goodbye to khloe and lamar, it will take me years to get over that... and, it turns out, the christmas lights here might be fake! its true, the customs officials at the port of l.a. have seized a shipment of fake christmas lights. i don't know what that means, they aren't merry enough or something? everyone in l.a. is cockahoop about it though. the phony christmas lights were sent here from china. i heard that and was like 'whoa?!? cheap unreliable products?!? from china?!? has the world gone crazy?' the fake christmas lights, the reason they are called fake is because they can be dangerous. they haven't been tested, so they can start fires or give people electrical shocks. which makes them perfect for me to wrap around my genitals. that's right, there's nothing quite like the lighting of my scrotum. authorities are warning people here in l.a. not to use the lights that might be fake. good luck, authorities, fake is kind of our thing! we've got the fake boobies, the fake people, the fake animal fur, the fake orgasms.'
- ben kingsley
- morena baccarin