+ 'its a big night over in scotland', craig ferguson informs, 'because tonight is burns night. every year this night is burns night, people drink wiskey and celebrate the poet robert burns. i know what you are thinking 'craig, scottish people drink wiskey?' yes, but tonight they drink wiskey and recite poetry, which makes it classy. robert burns is scotland's favorite son. he died 200 years ago, but he's still a national icon. robert burns the poet, of course, loved to drink. a lot of great writers drink, burns, hemmingway, snookie. a lot of them drank. burns night isnt just celebrated in scotland, anywhere theres a scottish population, england, america, austraila, where ever it is that shrek lives. on burns night people usually eat haggis. a haggis is basically, what it is is a sheep's intestines. inside the sheep intestine is the heart the liver and the lung. theres other stuff too: onion, spices, phlem, bits of jimmy hoffa. haggis is actually illegal in america because of the lung! you can buy lung free haggis. lung free haggis is like that dude kloe kardashian without the back hair- whats the point! apparently people have been smuggling haggis into america. and if they do it the same way they smuggle in the drugs, then thats disgusting. although i'd like to apply for the job... burns even wrote a poem about haggis. apparently burns really loved haggis, scottish people like to write poems about what they love. i once wrote a poem about the thing that i love. an ode to crack. 'thank you crack, i want you to know, you keep people up to watch this show'. cbs cares. he was only 37 when he died, robert burns. following a dental extraction. thats why no scottish person has been to the dentist since.' + chris hardwicke stops by to help craig with the tweets and emails.
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