1-24-11

+ 'everyone, of course, in television is still reeling about keith oberman', craig ferguson shares, 'friday night he did his last countdown show. he says he didnt quite though. people are asking was he pushed out? people on the right are saying 'yeah, hes gone!' people on the left are saying 'oh no, he's gone!' most people are saying 'did you see the jets game? did you see that?' now, if you dont know keith oberman, he had the most popular show on the channel that frankly not many people know about: its called nbc. well, msnbc. he was the face of msnbc. all networks have a face, the face of cbs is of course, charlie sheen. thats if cbs stood for coke, booze and sluts! thats a joke, obviously thats not true, the face of cbs is of course andy rooney. if cbs stands for cantankerous, booze and sluts. no, cbs stands for cantankerous bewildered seniors. thats our audience. i was on his show once, he gets a big grabby under the table, but i liked that. msnbc has already announced the replacement for oberman, j lo. aw, she could never be the face of msnbc, maybe the ass of msnbc. if msnbc stood for massive succulent naughty butt cheeks! i respect the man though, because he is a broadcaster first and foremost, he's very good at it. he's the third legendary broadcaster to leave television this week. first it was larry king, then regis has announced he's going, now keith oberman. terrible things always happen in threes. its kind of like the jonas brothers! he's controversial, you see, because he has a lot of those things that piss people off. what are they called again? oh thats right, opinions!'

- valerie bertinelli

* pau gasol