-> paula deen
+ 'its a great day for america, and a particularly great day for two annonymus americans', craig ferguson shares, 'two people have the winning mega-millions lottery ticket. if you missed the big drawing, the winning numbers were... not yours. the two winners are going to split 355 million dollars. whoa! now, that might sound like a lot, when you split it in half, then take out the taxes... its till huge! you know, if i won that much money i wouldnt be here. id be gone. id be at home taking a bath in gold with lesbians. i wouldnt be here if i had that kind of money, and cbs would be playing a rerun of 'becker'. actually, it wouldnt be that bad. its pretty good, that. you always think its not going to be good, but its not that bad.' how true it is craig, 'becker' is awesome! 'if i had that kind of money, what we call 'oprah money', i would buy an island, thats what i would do. i'd buy an island and i would call it 'craigtopia'. i would build a castle in the shape of my head. and hire a bunch of old people to wrestle in custard just for my ammusement! it would be like 'huh?' 'no, wrestle more, old people!' obviously id give some to charity too, cause i dont want people to think i'm weird or anything...'
Labels: episode summary