+ 'now that 2010 is behind us we get flooded with all these year end reports' craig ferguson shares, 'i'm reading them, and according to all these reports, the average american in 2010 went to the movies five times, ate 25 pounds of candy, and had sex once a week. i know! you cant do it all at the same time, obviously. if you can, send me a video! heres what i found interesting, in 2010 the average american watched more tv than ever before in history! 34 hours of tv a week. that longer than court appointed rehab for charlie sheen. 'wha, 34 hours and the alcoholism cleared right up! lets get some coke and hookers!' anyway, you hear people say that tv is dying and everyone is doing the internet thing, but to those people i say poppycock! tv is more popular than ever, its just changing. you see, its not like it used to be, families dont gather around to watch 'leave it to beaver'. now a days tvs are everywhere, tvs in cars, tvs in phones, tv in workout equipment. its just a matter of time before people get tvs put in their foreheads, which would be awesome! it would be great when nicole kidman is here, it would be like watching imax! what? shes got a big forehead, she knows! its alright. is that mean? its not a judgement on anyone, i'm sure she is a wonderful woman. with a big forehead. alright, shes got a perfectly normal forehead and i'm a fucking lier. hey, first curse word of the new year! hurrah! people say that watching a lot of tv is bad for you. i call these people idiots. if you want me to watch less tv, then someone has to stop making that 'real housewives' show. i cant get enough of those bitches! i keep going 'kelsey grammer was married to her?!?' have you seen the real housewives of beverly hills? i'm like 'what the fuck?!?' if you take all the women of that show and add them together and have them stand next to each other, i would say about twenty percent of that is organic material. really! one woman is basically a lip and shoes! and she's the hot one!'

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