1-21-11

+ 'i'll tell you why i'm excited', craig ferguson shares, 'because A) its friday, and 2) theres a new movie out. yeah, i like to do A and 2. theres a new movie out called 'no strings attached'. its a phrase that means sex without commitment, or as some people call it: sex. in the poster for this movie its got natalie portman and ashton kutcher in a bedroom. is that bedroom her place or his place? it cant be his place cause there's books there. maybe snookie's novel... she's wearing a guys shirt in the poster. more evidence of the hollywood double standard, when natalie portman does it its sexy, when i put on thigh highs and a push up bra i get thrown out of denny's! good thing ihop is more tolerant. you know what ive decided about the movie? all i've seen of this movie is the poster and i've decided that i hate this movie. now its true that natalie and ashton look lovely, but none of those girls really does it for me, you know what i'm saying. i sometimes wonder, basing this on nothing at all, but i wonder if ashton kutcher is like g.i. joe down there. just kind of like smooth down there. i'd go see a movie where they answered that question. no strings attached would be no things attached! this is true though, ashton kutcher was studying to be a bio engineer when he was discovered by a talent scout. i'm thinking 'way to go talent scout'. thats just what the world needs, one less bio engineer solving the earths problems, and one more dude who looks like a lady making romantic comedies. thanks talent scout. bastard. but i will say this, the movie does raise some interesting questions: can friends have causal sex without feelings becoming an issue? i personally dont think so. i tried it once, and it was a disaster. bob saget and i have not spoken since.'

- jeff bridges