+ 'according to a new poll thats out, 31% of americans believe in astrology', criag ferguson informs, 'well, ive got news for you 31% of americans, you may not be what you think you are. the zodiac signs have changed, this is true. i read that and though 'my zodiac sign is a lie? this means everything i read in the newspaper could be false? this means garfield hates lazania, this means little orphan anne does have eyeballs, this means marmaduke isnt hilarious! everything in the stars has gone topsy turvy! the age of aquarious is now, i'm not kidding, is the age of capricorn. it said that in fox news, so you know its true! the zodiac signs were created about three thousand years ago based on the position of the sun and stars. the moons gravitational pull has made the earth wabble a little bit. this is scientific fact! i dont understand it, but its fact. all i know is this, the zodiac is messed up. now when a gentleman approaches and asks 'whats your sign?' i wont know what to say! ill just have to say something cleaver like 'my sign is stop', or 'my sign is bear crossing'. i've been on this planet 48 years as a torus, a bull. i used to be at the end of torus, now i'm at the beginning. which is good, cause i'm getting sick of smelling like a bulls ass.'

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