+ 'the big news story today, its very shocking actually', craig ferguson shares, 'the new york times there is an article full of secrets about the war in afganistan. now, spoiler alert here is that the war isnt going well. the story is backed up by 91,000 classified documents. now the new york times got the documents from an organization called 'wiki-leaks'. thats not a joke, its actually called 'wiki-leaks'. thats true. my advice is be careful if you google wiki-leaks though, because i spelled it wrong and i ended up at a site called 'ricky-leaks', i wasted the entire day looking at pictures of ricky martin! is that a day wasted? i dont think so! anyway, what i'm saying is that these classified documents show that pakistan, who has been for years our bff in central asia, they have been taking the anti-taliban money we have been giving them, and using it to fund the taliban. laugh at that, you chicken lovin' hobo! that is like me taking a cbs paycheck and then promoting another network, which would be crazy! shark week starts august 1on the discovery channel! its awesome! its really weird, its horrifying. its like when you break up with someone and all of your friends realize they have classified information that they should share with you like how much they hated your ex. 'why didnt you tell me she was sleeping with all my friends!' 'well, you just seemed so happy...'.'


+ 'there's a very big movie opening today that i'm very excited about', craig ferguson reminds us, 'its called salt. i was confused by its title at first, 'in a world where food needs more flavor, one seasoning makes you thirsty...'. it turns out that salt is an action hero played by angelina jolie. she describes herself as a female james bond. isnt that daniel craig? anyway, in the movie angelina jolie is accused of being a russian spy. she might be a spy, but she might not. she's spy curious. that was pretty bad, even for here, isnt it? anyway, i'm going to go see this movie because i like angelina jolie. she and i are a lot alike: she is in show business, i know some people in show business, she has tatoos, i have tatoos, she uses her money and time to help other people, i... like her. they had the big premier of salt a couple nights ago, the press went crazy. its the first time angelina and brad had been seen together in a while. some people are relieved because it looks like they are still very much in love, i was relieved cause brad shaved off his nasty beard! i like smooth brad. you know i hate that tabloids start causing trouble about that, they assume things are rocky because they are not photographed together for a while. they are two very busy people, they are raising six kids, they have better things to do than beg for publicity like that fat leathery hooker on jersey shore. and the women on jersey shore are bad too.'
+ mindy kaling helps out with the tweets
+ summer livin' with sean connery


+ during the twitter segment, craig ferguson gets a tweet from kristina on long island in new york asking 'dear craig, what is a cul-de-sac?'. craig gets wildly creative and responds 'well, its a french word. it actually of course means dead end. but cul-de-sac actually means, in french, the literal translation is: kill the scrotum. what happened is that during the french revolution, a lot of people who were too close to the guillotine, their scrotums were cut off accidentally by the flying blade. but, in a strange quirk of fate, if a scrotum has been raised almost exclusively on soft stinky cheese, it can for a long time have the appearance of being a creature that has a mind of its own. so paris was flooded by tons of these little critters all running around. like little herds of little scrotums, they were like 'soc re blu! cul-de-sac! cul-de-sac! aah!' and if you saw a herd of these vicious killer scrotums in paris during the french revolution, it was the end of the line for you! and thats why it became a sort of 'dead end', cul-de-sac, you see.'

craig on kevin pollak's chat show

a little while a go craig ferguson appeared as a guest on kevin pollak's own talk show, fittingly called 'kevin pollak's chat show'. its a lot of fun to listen to these two guys have a real conversation. since this is a web only show, there is no need to interrupt for commercials, no language censorship, and no particular time constraints either. which means that these two guys get to really dig in and have some thoughtful conversations about anything that they want to talk about. some of the topics craig discusses is how he got his start on 'the late late show', how carson's death surprisingly turned into craig's own late night birth, how he first came to america and eventually became a citizen, and an interesting analogy of how baseball represents the american spirit. kevin does a great job of thinking of good questions to ask and leading the discussion, though he does step on toes a bit in his guiding. its a bit long, but worth watching. check it out here!


+ 'its a great day for dogs. it is!', craig ferguson exclaims, 'but not for american dogs. its not a bad day for american dogs, but its a very good day for english dogs, dogs who live in england. in london, which is in england, they opened the first ice cream truck that caters exclusively to dogs! adorable! english dogs are very excited, 'i saw old chap, have you heard about that ice cream truck? may i sniff your bum?'. the dog ice cream truck has a wide variety of flavors: cookies and cat, fire hydrent crunch, and the most popular flavor of all, of course: balls.'
+ summer livin' with sean connery
- ted danson (oddly edited interview...)
- kevin pollak


+ 'its a great day for our criminal justice system', craig ferguson declares, 'we finally sent that dangerous scalywag lindsay lohan to jail. that right, our nation is safe again. we've got nothing to worry about now, cept the global warming, the bp oil, and the mel gibsons. we've got nothing to worry about. lindsay started her 90 day jail sentence today. now, i'm not a legal expert, but that doesnt matter because i'm a guy on tv so i can just talk crap about whatever i want. i'm asking you this, i know you are pleased about her going to jail i can tell by your cheering. but is it really necessary? really? maybe a mental hospital, maybe? i'm not kidding. a lot of people take great delight in the fact that a 24 year old woman is going to the pokey, but i dont get that. by the way, 'pokey' is not a double entondre. its just another word for jail. its like 'the big house', or 'the clink', or 'the box'. ok, that one is a double entondre... anyway, lindsey has obviously got a substance abuse problem, and when you have a substance abuse problem its going to lead to something bad, like jail. really, of all the outcomes that are possible with the problems she's got, jail is actually pretty good. you could end up hosting a talk show on cbs in the middle of the night.'
* dan riskin host of the new show on animal planet called 'monsters inside me'- he is very, very funny!

geoff peterson 2.0

craig ferguson's sidekick, the robot skeleton geoff peterson, recently got an upgrade from his creator grant imahara. the new and improved version 2.0 was introduced monday on 'the late late show with craig ferguson'. geoff's creator stopped by the show to talk about the changes that had been made: the robot skeleton can now move his mouth better, turn his head smoother, and has more movement in his right arm.
craig also announced that geoff peterson would be making an appearance with imahara at the san diego comic con!


+ 'its a great day if you love ice cream!', craig ferguson reminds, 'and who doesnt love ice cream? well, al quida, obviously. 'i cannot abide your ice cream! i hate your ice cream and your puppet regime in pakistan, but mostly ice cream'. july is national ice cream month. its ice cream month, and yesterday was national ice cream day. its a real day, it was started by ronald regan in 1984. its not on a fixed date, it rotates, but usually its the third sunday in july. regan was a genius, you see, he kept the commies guessing about what date the americans would go crazy licking cream covered nuts! anyway, i like my ice cream like i like my sex: alone and in front of the television. actually, i prefer to go out for ice cream, i dont like keeping it in the house because its too tempting when its in the freezer. i can hear it calling 'craig! eat me, i'm delicious!' anyway, heres the thing, yesterday was ice cream day, and july is ice cream month, and today baskin robbins celebrated today by retiring five ice cream flavors. yes, that stopped your inappropriate amount of laughter, didnt it? five baskin robbins flavors- gone! it seems an odd way of celebrating, its like celebrating arbor day by starting a forest fire. when i heard baskin robbins was retiring flavors, i assumed it would be the crap ones, like chocolate lint, or gravel road. they are retiring, get this, french vanilla! ahh! exactly, can they do that? just retire french vanilla just because its old and unpopular with the kids? i mean, whats next?!? i'm not sure what the difference is between vanilla and french vanilla. i think that with french vanilla you have to use your tongue more...'
+ grant imahara stops by to introduce the new upgrade to geoff peterson!

who is kelly moore?

as always, craig ferguson did his usual segment where he responds to tweets and emails during his show 'the late late show with craig ferguson'. friday night though, he had on a guest who has seemed to become a regular on his show: kelly moore. who is kelly moore? well, when he first appeared on the show, he was just an audience member. as craig sometimes does, he invited kelly to come up in front of the cameras for the opening bit. they chatted a bit, and while there kelly admitted that he was here with friends against his will. he said that he didnt even like this show and wanted to leave. well, that got craig going and he invited kelly up to join him with answering the twitter and emails! kelly, who seems to be absolutely fearless, went for it and talked with craig and cracked jokes. kellys attitude is honest and blunt, he doesnt bother with lying and telling craig what he might want to hear- which i think is exactly why craig liked him so much! kelly has since been back on the show helping with the twitters and emails twice. he was on the june 4th episode, and the june 25th one as well. if this keeps up geoff peterson might want to watch out, because kelly moore might become craig's next sidekick! (granted, he said he didnt want the job, but you just wait...)

welcome to the scottish king website- the unofficial place for all things craig ferguson! (a member of the 'poke it with a stick' blog family). be sure to check out the over 500 episode summaries and other assorted craig related topics!


+ 'there is a big movie opening today that i am very excited about', craig ferguson admits, 'its called 'inception'. finally, a movie about something that hollywood knows better than anyone else: robbing peoples dreams! it stars leonardo di caprio as a guy who invades people's minds as they sleep, which is perfect casting because leo has been in my dreams for years. stealing away my heart with his awesome small beard acting. anyway, people are calling inception a 'thinking man's action movie', thats what they are saying. i dont know what that means, i think it probably means that things get blowed up, but the boobies are just in your mind. well, they are in my mind anyway. the trailer for this movie looks terrific though, everything spinning around, people walking on walls and ceilings. experts are saying that the average person has more than 40 dreams a night. you think you dont have any dreams, but you have about 40 dreams. the most potent dreams usually begin around midnight and end around 2:00 am. perhaps you are dreaming right now! maybe i've entered your dreams! perhaps i am reading your mind at this very moment, i'm simply very bad at it... no, you are not dreaming, dreams have much better lighting than this, this is a nightmare- for both of us! i've always been fascinated by dreams though, i'm a huge fan of carl jung and his theory of the collective unconscience. now, i know what you are thinking: 'oh, here we go again, another late night host banging on about carl jung and the birth of analytical psychology. its almost as bad as that night david letterman had freud do the top ten list' 'top ten sexy presents to buy your mom!' i do like carl jung though, i think he's awesome. freud was jung's arch rival, jung believed everything was mythic, and freud thought everything was sexy, basically. jung and freud, they were kind of like the biggie and tupac of 19th century viennese psychology, except they had more cocaine...'
+ access extratainment tonight with barney slash and john tesh cover the late night wars.
+ summer livin' with sean connery
+ kelly moore stops by again to help read the tweets and emails!


+ 'its a great day for the great state of texas', craig ferguson exclaims, 'a rancher in fort worth captured a massive beast. locals are saying he has finally captured the mythical chupacabra. the chupacabra is a hairy beast that stalks the night in texas. he's like chuck norris but less kicky. i'm not sure where chupacobras come from, but then again, i dont know where chimichungas come from either. i just know that they end up haunting my evening. some people think that the chupacabra originated in mexico because all the sightings have been along the southwestern boarder states, except arizona because the chupacabra dont carry papers. 'oh, i bet you dont hassle the yeti because he's white!'. i googled it today, and chupacabra is a spanish word that means 'goat sucker'. it does! it means goat sucker. i can say goat sucker if thats what i really mean! if i say goat sucker and then go 'oooh!', then i would probably mean something else. in this instance, i really mean goat sucker. by the way, 'goat sucker' is the only name mel gibson has not called his ex girlfriend in the last five audio tapes. apparently the chupacabra are called that because they get the blood from the goats, but my question is this: if they suck blood, why arent they in the twilight movies? who will bella choose?!? will she choose the gay vampire, perhaps. or maybe the werewolf who does the crunches? does she choose him or him, or the hairless goat sucker?'
- nicolas cage he announces that he is going to do a second ghost rider movie

a little fergy

craig ferguson announced that his wife is pregnant! there is going to be a little fergy on the way! he broke the news over twitter by saying:

Holy crackers! Mrs F is pregnant. How did that happen? ...oh yeah I know how. Another Ferguson arrives in 2011. The world trembles.
well, congratulations craig, and may it be a healthy happy baby!
dont forget to follow craig on twitter at craigyferg


+ 'its a great day for our friends the french', craig ferguson shares, 'you know the french people? the stripy shirts, the bagets, the barets. if you see a french guy today, shake his hand. unless he's a mime, then kick him in the nuts. its bastille day. its a huge french holiday, all over france people are running out of their houses into the streets going 'meh.' it reminds me i must bring my french maid costume to the cleaners. it filthy. even when its clean...'
+ summer livin' with sean connery


+ 'its a great day for the publishing world', criag ferguson informs, 'you know, the guys that make books. oh, get with it grandpa! if you dont know what a book is, its like a really long blog that you print out and then you read on the crapper. but today it was announced that there is going to be a sequel to that book 'the secret'. if you are not familiar with the secret, its a book that came out about four years ago, sold a bazillion copies, and its not much of a secret anymore. but really, its about the power of positive thinking. it was written by an australian reality show producer, because who knows more about the spiritual principles of the universe than an australian reality show producer? 'think positive, mate, and dont let the dingos near your balls!' the secret is basically that the law of attraction governs the universe. so if you think hard enough about what you want to attract, it will come to you. thats kind of the secret. if thats true, then someone very special should be coming to the studio right now... i'm waiting, fabio! he's not here. clearly the secret doesnt work. anyway, the sequel will be called 'the power', and it will be out next month. it means that everyone will be reading it at the beach, you know, while the kids are out making the oil castles. it will probably sell a bazillion copies as well. but i'm thinking if its a self help book, why does it need a sequel? if the original book work, why do you need a second one? thats like your doctor saying 'well, the operation was very successful, i'd like to do it again!'.'
+ summer livin' with sean connery
> louie anderson he is still surprisingly funny!

500 episodes!

wow! we sure have been busy here at 'the scottish king'! turns out we have now written 500 episode summaries for 'the late late show with craig ferguson'! what a milestone! some might say that its sad that we've wasted over 500 hours watching this show, but we would say that its been totally worth it! in celebration, be sure to check out all the great summaries and everything else we've written about here! the highlight of the blog is definitely when i got to go and see the show live! be sure to check out all my thoughts here.
here's to 500 more!


+ 'its great to be back', craig ferguson shares, 'actually, it seems like the audience is a different class of hobos than what we usually get in here. anyway, its great to be back. i was on vacation last week. on the 4th of july i hosted a boston pops fireworks spectacular, and then i stayed in new england for vacation. it was hot! the whole of the east coast had record heat while i was there, and the west coast had record low temperatures. coincidence? yes. i got into a very bad accident when i was in vermont. i know what your thinking: 'craig, why did you risk your life on the mean streets of vermont? its crazy out there with... things'. anyway, what happened is that i hurt myself on a slide. on something called the bromley mountain alpine slide. i think its full name is the bromley mountain alpine slide of death! what they do in the ski resorts in the summer is there is no snow, so they put these big long fiberglass shoots on the side of the mountain so that in the summer it becomes a slide. its like they transform rockefeller plaza in new york city. in the winter its an ice skating rink, and in the summer its a holding area of jimmy fallon's prostitutes. what? thats right jimmy, the war is back on! no, i'm kidding, jimmy doesnt go with prostitutes. its just a stupid joke, i wish i had never made it, but its out now. its not even a joke, its a flat out lie. sorry. if you've never been on an alpine slide, its like a water slide without the water. well, until my accident, then it became a water slide, if you know what i mean. and if you dont know what i mean, i peed myself...'

craig the nerdist

craig ferguson recently had chris hardwicke on his show. chris is known for many things: his stand-up comedy, hosting g4's 'web soup' show, popping up on 'attack of the show', and writing for wired magazine. he also has a great website called nerdist. one aspect of the website is his weekly podcasts which are recorded live at club largo in california. well, after chris was invited on craig's show, he returned the favor and invited craig to join him for his nerdist podcast!
its a very funny show where craig and chris (and a bunch of others) chat about everything from craig's start on 'the late late show', to their love of dr. who! give it a listen here.


+ craig is out with nothing on but his t-shirt and boxers! 'my suit isnt ready. it hasnt come back from the dry cleaners. once a year it goes to the dry cleaners and it hasnt come back yet. eyes up here, mister!'
+ 'do you know who's birthday it is today? its the donald's birthday!' craig ferguson celebrates, 'and i dont mean trump, the pompous bastard. i mean the other donald- donald duck! donald duck turns 76 today. so to mark the occasion, legally through an act of congress, today is donald duck day! i think every disney character should have his own day, except goofy. i hate goofy. you know what you did... years ago though, when donald duck started, a cartoon about a talking duck must have seemed like an odd concept. these days youve got your talking sponges who live in pineapples under the sea. which tells us that the drugs are getting better! anyway, it was on this day in 1934 the first donald duck appeared. it was called 'the wise little hen'. i saw a similar movie, it was called 'the sage cock'. it was about a rooster who was very wise. he knew what to do... i think donald duck was in the navy because he wears the sailor shirt and the sailor hat and nothing else. see, when he goes out like that its adorable, but if i go out like that, i get fucking arrested!'

craig hosts the boston pops

as has been the annual tradition, craig ferguson hosted the cbs 4th of july special in boston. he came out and welcomed everyone to an evening of fun. there was the boston pops orchestra playing the traditional patriotic songs, toby keith even played a couple hits, and then there were the amazing fireworks! what a show!


+ 'its the 4th of july weekend everybody- hurray!', exclaims craig ferguson, 'well done america! take that britain! im going to boston, im going to host the boston pops fireworks spectacular tomorrow night right here on cbs! i've done it the last three years, the fireworks spectacular. its a very difficult job, all i have to do is go 'fireworks! hurray!'. july the 4th in boston is nuts, its basically like st. patricks day with explosives! explosives and classical music, youve got cannons and fireworks blowing off to the 1812 overture- its awesome! my hats to whoever came up with the idea to do that: fireworks, music, cannons. 'chaikovsky is cool, but is there a way to make the tubas blow stuff up or something?' last year during the rehearsal they let me test fire the big cannon. it was awesome! you pull a long string to make it go off. its like a giant game of 'pull my finger'! but when i fire one off its usually a bit louder than a cannon. and theres more smoke. and collateral damage... my favorite part of hosting the july 4th show is meeting the brave service men and women of the armed forces. a couple years ago i was at the event back stage talking with the marines and they told me that some guy had tried to dress up like a marine to meet girls and get back stage. so this guy turns up and he has got his fathers marine uniform. so hes stolen this outfit, hes wearing a marine uniform, but the marines are marines, they can see this. this uniform is out of date, this is not right. so they question the guy and find out he is not a marine. but they knew his dad was a marine, so they didnt want to get him in too much trouble, so they just took his uniform off and made him walk home in his underwear!'
+ summer livin' with sean connery
+ angela kinsey comes in early to help with the emails and twitters.
- angela kinsey


+ 'its a great day here in hollywood', craig ferguson shares, 'because the twilight: eclipse movie has been out for two days and it has already made one gazillion dollars. a lot of that money is from me because i've already seen it 20 times. i'm kidding, i havent seen it yet, i dont know what happens. anyway, seems like the twilight fever is everywhere, theres the t-shirts, the posters, the magazines. everywhere i look i see a pale twink covered in hair gel. then i leave the house and it gets even worse! here in l.a. thousands of teens camped out to get tickets to see the movie. i drove by a theater last night and i thought it was a justin bieber concert. then i found out the truth after waiting in line for five hours! i felt such a fool! call me old fashioned, but i think vampires and werewolves should be terrifying. i've said this before, and i think they should have transylvanian accents. thats a vampire! they shouldnt sound like some guy from the food court! 'dude, i'm a vampire, and i want to suck your blood. but only if its not fat soy'. a real vampire doesnt care about your feelings, he just wants to suck your blood just because he can! bela lugosi was the first dracula in film and we had the right look. i watched a documentary about bela lugosi last night. thats right, young people! while you were at the movies watching modern vampires and reveling in your youth, i was at home watching a black and white documentary about vampires and lathering myself in ben-gay, and picking lint off my walker balls. call me chuck norris!'
= alicia witt singing


+ again mixing things up a bit, craig wears a t-shirt instead of a shirt and tie. this time the t-shirt is black. ooh!
+ 'the big news today all across the country', craig ferguson informs, 'the teen age girls are weeping, the chat rooms are all cockahoop, they are all talking about the undead. you know, the sexy vampire. of course, they are talking about larry king. last night larry king because last night larry announced that he is calling it quits. its awful, this. larry king is a walking treasure, well a shuffling treasure, but a treasure none the less. in my eyes larry king really is a king. but then again, i also think wolf blitzer is a wolf! i also think dr. phil is a doctor. not really. now, larry may be leaving cnn which is bad news, but lets keep this in perspective: thats not the worst of it, america isnt just loosing a broadcaster, but i am loosing one of the few people i do an impression of! its not a good impression, i admit, but i do it. i make fun of larry, but lets be clear of this: its out of respect. i love larry king. his record speaks for itself, hes won every broadcasting award known to man, he's written over a dozen books, he's read almost half of them...'
+ summer livin' with sean connery


+ craig bypasses the old shirt and tie and just wears a white t-shirt. way to mix it up, craig!
+ 'its a great day for america, and a great day for the leader of the free world', craig ferguson announces, 'of course, i'm talking about oprah winfrey. she was named today the number one most powerful celebrity in the world by forbes magazine. now, a magazine is a kind of papery blog thing. its a kind of papery thing that people used to read. its like a very slow website. its a sort of kind of foldy aol. anyway, id like to thank forbes for coming up with a list like this, cause if it wasnt these lists id have to talk about my cleavage or something. id have to talk about real news issues, and i cant. im just too pritty for that. what i'm saying is that i dont give a rats ass about the most powerful celebrity in the world. oprah is number one. you know who is number four on the list? lady gaga. apparently lady gaga is the fourth most powerful celebrity in the world. how is that even possible? people say she's the new madonna. do we really need a new madonna, whats wrong with the old one? you know that tiger woods is number five on this list. he was between lady gaga and britney spears... he wasnt on the list, it was in a hotel room in new jersey. i'll be honest with you, i dont even understand forbes list. can these celebrities bend steel? can they melt things with their heat vision? cause that is my definition of power. a celebrity is only powerful if you allow them to be powerful. like if mick jager came in here right now, he's a powerful celebrity right? if he came in here right now and said 'craig, stand over there'. i'd be like 'no'. and he would be like 'um, my power is waining!' even if oprah, the most powerful celebrity in the world, if she said 'buy this book', and you buy it, she is powerful. if she says 'buy this book' and you said 'no' then shes powerless. dont tell her i said that... i dont understand this list in this magazine, forbes magazine is supposed to be about investing. their 'most powerful' list is a misuse of the word 'power'. and if they cant understand the word power, then possibly they dont understand the word 'honest', which makes them a perfect magazine for people who invest and work on wall street!'


+ 'i just got back from the bahamas!', craig ferguson shares, 'now why was i in the bahamas? well, ill tell you audience. well, if you turn in in august during a certain week that is dedicated to ocean predators which is broadcast on another network, which i'm not supposed to say, but it rhymes with bliscovery channel... i was doing a show for shark week on the discovery channel and it was awesome!!! i went scuba diving with sharks, and not tame sharks, wild sharks from sharklvania! and sadly for cbs i made it back in one piece. it was a life changing experience though, these sharks are beautiful, these gorgeous underwater creatures. i feel so glad and privileged that i got to see it and i never have to see it ever again. sharks are beautiful animals, but they dont need me going over to try and make them laugh. much like this audience... i went down to steward cove, where they were set up, theres a diver who is going to take me down, to look for this guy name chang chen. so i'm looking and i see a guy who might be named chang chen, you know what i'm saying, and so i go over to chang and i go 'are you chang chen?' and he goes 'yeah, gooday mate, how you doin?' i'm like 'oh, i didnt think you would be australian', and he went 'yeah well, my family isnt originally from australia, mate'. we go out in the boat, and just as we are about to jump into shark infested waters, changs got all the chain male on and stuff, and he's like 'its a strange job, mate, but somebody's got to do it!' and i'm like 'no actually, nobody's got to do it'. and he said 'no, you got to do it, but lets do it! aah!'
+ summer livin' with sean connery
- howie mandel he gets so excited he spilled his drink!


+ 'its a great day for the movies', craig ferguson celebrates, 'a very big movie opening that i am very excited about, its called 'knight and day', with tom cruise. listen, i know its my job as a late night host to make fun of tom cruise. but i 'm not going to do it anymore. not anymore because i've seen the trailer for this movie and it looks fantastic. its a good old fashioned popcorn movie with explosions and tom cruise and cameron diaz and stuff gets blown up while a pretty girl screams all the time. i dont know what cameron diaz does in the movie, but... see, thats just the kind of joke i'm not going to be doing! i'm not. i like tim cruise, i think he's awesome. i've changed my mind. a lot of people criticize him because they are jealous. like people criticize me, not because they are jealous, but because they have seen this show. but its the same thing. i know what you are thinking: 'well wait, craig, tom cruise is crazy!' no he is not. he is nuts! he is absolutely bonkers. that is different. he's a movie star, thats the way movie stars have to be: crazy! he gets a lot of flack for the things he says, but so what? id take that over some manufactured puppet who says whatever the studio wants him to say... cbs cares.'
+ kelly moore is back to help criag read the tweets and emails
- tim meadows as a guest instead of appearing in a bit for the show!


+ 'theres a new cop show on abc', craig ferguson says, 'its just premiered, its called 'rookie blue'. its in the same time slot as grey's anatomy. and it sounds a bit like grey's anatomy. all the cops are young and gorgeous and sensitive, but they are cops not doctors. they are gorgeous cops is what i'm saying. you know when you get that feeling when you see something right away and you know you are going to love it? that doesnt apply for me here. why doesnt somebody make a throwback cop show? when a bad guy gets punched in their face, and no good looking people talk about their damn feelings! 'you are a criminal and i'm going to have to arrest you, and that makes me feel bad'. everybody is talking about their feelings, cops are talking about their feelings, vampires are talking about their feelings. i'll tell you, if there was a tv show about al quida, they would be talking about their feelings! 'when you declare a war on terror, it makes me feel like you are not listening'. i'm more into the csi. the csi: miami, csi: new york. all the csi's. theres nothing i like more than coming home and getting comfortable in the living room and watching the csi. you know, the dim lighting, the dead bodies, the dried bodily fluids everywhere. then i turn on the tv... thats right, i am a serial killer everybody!'
* james dyson the man with 'the proper amount of suction!'