+ 'its a great day for the great state of texas', craig ferguson exclaims, 'a rancher in fort worth captured a massive beast. locals are saying he has finally captured the mythical chupacabra. the chupacabra is a hairy beast that stalks the night in texas. he's like chuck norris but less kicky. i'm not sure where chupacobras come from, but then again, i dont know where chimichungas come from either. i just know that they end up haunting my evening. some people think that the chupacabra originated in mexico because all the sightings have been along the southwestern boarder states, except arizona because the chupacabra dont carry papers. 'oh, i bet you dont hassle the yeti because he's white!'. i googled it today, and chupacabra is a spanish word that means 'goat sucker'. it does! it means goat sucker. i can say goat sucker if thats what i really mean! if i say goat sucker and then go 'oooh!', then i would probably mean something else. in this instance, i really mean goat sucker. by the way, 'goat sucker' is the only name mel gibson has not called his ex girlfriend in the last five audio tapes. apparently the chupacabra are called that because they get the blood from the goats, but my question is this: if they suck blood, why arent they in the twilight movies? who will bella choose?!? will she choose the gay vampire, perhaps. or maybe the werewolf who does the crunches? does she choose him or him, or the hairless goat sucker?'
- nicolas cage he announces that he is going to do a second ghost rider movie

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