+ 'its a great day for our criminal justice system', craig ferguson declares, 'we finally sent that dangerous scalywag lindsay lohan to jail. that right, our nation is safe again. we've got nothing to worry about now, cept the global warming, the bp oil, and the mel gibsons. we've got nothing to worry about. lindsay started her 90 day jail sentence today. now, i'm not a legal expert, but that doesnt matter because i'm a guy on tv so i can just talk crap about whatever i want. i'm asking you this, i know you are pleased about her going to jail i can tell by your cheering. but is it really necessary? really? maybe a mental hospital, maybe? i'm not kidding. a lot of people take great delight in the fact that a 24 year old woman is going to the pokey, but i dont get that. by the way, 'pokey' is not a double entondre. its just another word for jail. its like 'the big house', or 'the clink', or 'the box'. ok, that one is a double entondre... anyway, lindsey has obviously got a substance abuse problem, and when you have a substance abuse problem its going to lead to something bad, like jail. really, of all the outcomes that are possible with the problems she's got, jail is actually pretty good. you could end up hosting a talk show on cbs in the middle of the night.'
* dan riskin host of the new show on animal planet called 'monsters inside me'- he is very, very funny!

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