+ 'happy presidents day, everyone', craig ferguson congratulates, 'today we celebrate an american tradition of immigrants working on your day off.  most stores are open today.  i have no problem with a little commerce on presidents day, what better way to celebrate our presidents than to offer a sale on tires.  'four score and seven years ago our forefathers got two for one on steel radial tires'.  presidents day is in february because thats when lincoln and washington were born.  not the same year, obviously.  lincoln and washingtons bithdays used to be separate holidays but they were combined to make everything easier.  kind of like how woody allen combined valentines day and take your daughter to work day...  lincoln and washington were both great presidents.  now, you can tell how important a president was based on the monument they have in washington.  lincoln, very important, he has the monument that shows him sitting in a chair looking very important, and then washinton has an even better one: its like a giant middle finger pointed at england!'

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