+ 'if you know anything about me, you know i keep in touch with zoo keepers in spain', craig ferguson shares, 'the reason i say this is because zoo keepers in spain have announced that they have a chimp.  i'm like 'big deal', a lot of zoos have chimpanzees, but their chimp spends all day watching pornography!  ah ha- i've got your attention!  of course, porn for a chimpanzee is just watching people throw poop.  so its german pornography...  the big news this week, of course, is about the college football player with the pretend girlfriend.  i'm like, i dont know what the big deal is here.  when you have a pretend football player here in hollywood, they let you star in mission impossible!'
- carrie fisher
- steven yeun

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