+ 'if you know anything about me, you know i keep in touch with zoo keepers in spain', craig ferguson shares, 'the reason i say this is because zoo keepers in spain have announced that they have a chimp. i'm like 'big deal', a lot of zoos have chimpanzees, but their chimp spends all day watching pornography! ah ha- i've got your attention! of course, porn for a chimpanzee is just watching people throw poop. so its german pornography... the big news this week, of course, is about the college football player with the pretend girlfriend. i'm like, i dont know what the big deal is here. when you have a pretend football player here in hollywood, they let you star in mission impossible!'
- carrie fisher
- steven yeun