2-22-11

+ 'its a great day for the city of chicago', craig ferguson shares, 'today they get to choose a new mayor. it was a very close race, the results are in, so congratulations, winner. no, congratulations rahm emanuel. 'how do you know that craig?' its chicago, i called a guy last week, its rahm emanuel. until last october, rahm emanuel worked in the white house, he was president obama's chief of swearing. he is famous for being cussy, he likes to swear. if he were a late night talk show host, he would be me! if he were daytime, he would be regis. regis has got a mouth like a sailor! and thighs like a gladiator... made myself sick a little bit there. anyway, if rahm emanuel is elected mayor of chicago, he will have to keep his mouth clean. he wouldnt want to sully the otherwise spotless reputation of chicago politics. i'm saying the opposite of whats true for comedic effect. i like rahm emanuel. remember that guy rob blagojevich? he tried to sell obama's senate seat and then, i think he got impeached. i dont remember, i just remember his helmet of hair. anyway, the city of chicago has a lot of problems, but i think rahm can handle it. cause, this is true, his brother ari, ari emanuel, is my agent. aha! so the emanuel family is used to cleaning up messes!'

- john waters