1-31-11

+ 'its a great day for me because rachael ray is here', craig ferguson shares, 'rachel ray is to cooking what i am to bedazzling. i am a black belt in bedazzling, it clashed with my shoes until i bedazzled it. rachael ray does a million different tv shows. she is the female ryan seacrest. wait, ryan seacrest is probably the female seacrest. take that, ryan seacrest, i dont know you, i dont really have any opinions about you, but i'm not above using you for a cheap joke! now, a couple years ago i was on rachel ray's show and i gave her my secret recepie for mashed potatoes. add an egg, it makes them fluffy! im not much of a chef, but i do know how to fluff your potatoes... anyway, i'm always glad when rachel ray is here because she's not afraid to get messy. it must not be easy to not put on weight when you are a cook, unless of course you are cooking meth. then the pounds just melt away! starting with your teeth. i'm trying to remember the last guest who cooked for me, i think it was william shatner. it wasnt on the show, it was after the show, just the two of us. i devoured a big ham. and then he cooked me dinner.'

* rachael ray