+ 'its a bit of a nerve wracking day here on the west coast', craig ferguson admits, 'mt saint helens has been rumbling again. yesterday under mt saint helens was the biggest earthquake in thirty years, it was 4.3 on the richter scale. thats huge for up there! down here in l.a. 4.3 wouldnt even make our fake boobies jiggle, but up there its big! it wouldnt even tussle justin biebers hair, it wouldnt even break lindsey lohan's necklace. alright, alleged necklace... anyway, even with the earth quake, scientists cant predict when mt. saint helens will erupt. its kind of like the oscars, everyone watches it because they know its going to blow... back in the 17th century, johannes kepler speculated that volcanos were the earths tear ducts. and it turns out he was completely fucking wrong! you know, he's remembered as an astronomer, but the man was clearly an idiot. i look forward to your letters. anyway, today scientists understand that volcanic eruptions are actually caused by underground midgets who have eaten too much mexican food. alright, that was insensitive, i'm sorry, i shouldnt have said that, i should have said 'mexican cuisine'. i look forward to your letters too. volcanic eruptions can be dangerous, but they are also quite beautiful. its rather breathtaking! seeing that magma hatching from the earth's crust, like seeing lady gaga coming out of an egg, like ricky martin coming out of a closet- its just a beautiful thing!'

No comments: