7-22-13

+ 'its a great day for our friends in the u.k.', criag ferguson shares, 'its really a great day for everyone!  a royal baby!  you know, in a royal baby, the umbilical cord is cut by a unicorn's horn.  what happens is the royal baby comes out and he's covered in blue blood, of course, and the unicorn comes over and bows.  as the unicorn bows, the horn magically cuts the umbilical cord and doves fly out of the royal vagina!  none of that common after birth stuff!  i'm tellin' ya, its like a david copperfield show!  it was very big news, of course, congratulations to the royal family.  moments ago the palace released a photo of his royal adorableness.  the royal family, of course, are delighted about this news.  prince harry popped open some champagne and danced naked around the palace- then he heard about the baby!  prince charles said what any proud new grandpa would say: 'back of line, junior!'  there were very few people actually in the room for the birth: prince william, the father, kate middleton's mother, and neil patrick harris i believe was there.  he does most of the tonys, the emmy's, the royal birth.  and you know what?  he makes it better!  cause normally i dont enjoy these things, but when neil does it, i'm like 'actually this is entertaining!'  so the royal baby is now number one on the list of favorite wrinkly dudes!  number two is still micheal caine, and number three is still madanna...'
- brooke shields
= sara bareilles