+ 'i'm a little nervous tonight' craig ferguson admits at the top of the show, 'here's why: we have a very big star on the show tonight, a very big star. we have kristen stewart on tonight. here's the thing, kristen became very popular through the twilight movies among the rest of a very impressive body of work. i have been, um, a bit of a douche about them on this show. now, here's the thing, i havent seen any of them, so i've just been a douche for no reason! you know what it is? you know when you get guys like me, middle aged white guys, who are like 'i dont like the hip hop', well, its not for you, grandpa, thats why! but these movies, they arent made for me, but now i feel terrible because this big hollywood star who very classily agreed to come on the show. this is not the biggest show in hollywood, i dont think thats a secret... so here's the thing, i've had attractive women angry at me before, here's what i'm going to do: if i apologize now, maybe that will cut her off at the pass! you know, you dont want to upset vampires- especially the sparkly ones!'
* sloane crosley