+ craig starts off the show with a little bit of poetry!  he reads 'a dream' from edger allen poe.
+ 'its the great american smoke-out', craig ferguson informs, 'i think we are supposed to shame people into not smoking.  i'm not going to do that.  i used to smoke and i had a good excuse to start:  i lived in scotland.  i quit smoking cigarettes about 15 years ago, i still smoke a little meth, but...   no, i dont smoke anything.  the only time you will see me light up is when there's a sale at hot topic!  sometimes though i do get a craving and people say 'hey craig, try one of those e-cigarettes' and i'm like 'no thanks!' thats like drinking 'near beer'.  people have offered me near beer but it has alcohol in it!  if i drink near beer i'll move on to near whiskey, i'll end up doing a near line of coke and i'll end up in near jail with a near sore ass!'
- max greenfield
- lucy punch

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