+ 'you know who's birthday it is today?' criag ferguson questions, 'happy birthday to his royal highness prince charles, who is 64 today.  he didnt want any celebrations, just a quiet day silently plotting the death of his mother.  prince charles is spending his birthday in new zeeland, which is part of his 'places we used to own' tour.  it hasnt been an easy trip, a lot of people in new zeeland have been mistaking him for gollom from lord of the rings.  'hey mate, have you found your precious?'  if you want to send prince charles a birthday card, remember to use his official title which is: charles, prince of wales, duke of cornwall, duke of rosly, duke of earle, kings of leon, queens of the stone age, prince of persia, sons of anarchy.  it would be a pain in the ass to have a name that long- its really hard on the girl who's writing names on the cups at starbucks.  anyway, happy birthday, prince charles.  i think prince charles should give his son prince william a lesson in manners.  its been almost a year since he was married to princess kiki wigglesworth and i have still yet to receive the thank you for my gift.  slap-chops aint cheep, ya royal bastard!'
- billy crystal
- berenice marlohe

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