+ 'its a big night, of course, for american soccer', craig ferguson states, 'what's that? its like regular soccer, but nobody watches... earlier tonight the mls all stars took on manchester united. now we are live of course, so congratulations...winners! no, congratulations winners and the dude who got kicked in the balls- you know its going to happen, its the only reason you watch! manchester united probably won, lets be honest, because its soccer and its manchester united. manchester united are like the yankees of soccer, only different in that only half of manchester united have slept with madonna. soccer has actually become quite popular here in america. a couple of weeks ago the womens soccer world cup finals set rating records a-fire. unfortunately at the time we lost to japan, our women played well but couldnt finish because they got too excited in the box... i've had that problem myself... do you know that more american kids play soccer than any other sport combined? now, that is not true, but wouldnt it be interesting... then we might actually be able to win! i'm glad major league soccer is catching on, i'm not so sure about the team names though, i've got to be honest. kansas city wiz? dallas burn? those are real names! wiz and burn? those are also names for chlmydia!'

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