+ 'i've just been checking all my bits and i'll tell you why', craig ferguson informs, 'i am now 51. today. here's the thing, though, i am now north of fifty. this is it, this is the home stretch now. i'm officially in the AARP, i want teenagers off my lawn, every time i go to the doctor they are putting more and more things up my ass. when i went to the doctor when i was thirty it was like 'how do you feel?' 'awesome', 'well, out you go!' now its like 'well, we will be putting this one in, and we got another one over here, we've got the camera, you've met the teamsters, they are coming...' my ass is catnip for doctors! anyway, 51. now what? more of this? that's not cheering me up! i don't feel any different, i can see that i look different, i mean i look in the mirror and i'm like 'what the hell?' what has changed since 50? well, my testicles are even lower. now i have to be careful when i put on my shoes. one wrong move and i'm limping all day... one of the great advantages of getting older is that you really really start to not give a rat's ass. i mean, really! am i right, old people? as a kid i was like 'i don't care what you think, man!' but i did, i really cared what you thought. but now i really don't care what you think! people are like 'craig! you cant do that!' who says, you jerk?!? its awesome! 51 is the new punk rock!'
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william shatner
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natalie dormer
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