+ 'remember how i told you over the weekend', craig ferguson's story begins, 'that one of the toilets, i have more than one toilet in my house- oh, swanky! but one of them blew up and covered the house in poop.  it wasn't me!  i didn't run around doing it!  it was a complete accident.  anyway, i thought who's weekend could be worse than that?  then i found out about the rolling stones.  did you hear about this?  over the weekend the rolling stones played here in l.a. at the staple center but they had to cut their ticket prices in half to fill the seats.  and i'm thinking that people in l.a. were thinking 'well, if we wanted to see old guys shuffling around past their prime we would just go see the lakers!' boom!'
- ryan seacrest
- andrea osvart

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