5-09-13

+ 'the big news this week is from belgium', craig ferguson states, 'how often do you hear that?  'big news from belgium!'  what?  belgium, of course, is the home of jean claude van damm and papa smurf.  i like him, he's like an old man leprechaun.  and papa smurf is nice too...  in belgium they finally captured the jewel thieves who got away with 50 million bucks worth of diamonds in february.  here's what happened: the diamonds were on a plane in brussels airport when a van cut in front of them and then a bunch of guys busted out of the van and stole the diamonds!  anyway, the police in belgium described it as a spectacular robbery.  but the jewel heist was brazen, when i first heard about it i thought there's only one man who could pull this off: jason statham!  you know what i want to know is, why were there 50 million dollars worth of diamonds being shipped out of belgium all at once?  they should have divided the shipment into tiny portions, just like i do with my meth!  just like that!  i've said too much...  yesterday the belgium police arrested 31 people involved in the heist   that's a lot of people.  50 million dollars sounds like a lot, but when you split it 31 ways, it hardly seems worth the effort and the risk.  they say that some of the jewel thieves may still be at large.  one of the jewel thieves who was captured yesterday is also a lawyer, which is a shame, because now lawyers will get a bad reputation!'
- bob saget
- sarah hyland