+ 'i hope you had a nice weekend', craig ferguson states, 'i was in canada where it is still snowing and will be until july. canada was beautiful, i was there doing some stand-up shows and i was walking around the casino and the whole place was filled with muscley people in really buff tight t shirts. i'm like 'is this canada or heaven?' i said to a big muscley dude 'whats going on? is it gay pride or something?' and he said 'no, its a body building contest'. tomato tomah-to... anyway, the body building competitions are different in canada, instead of rubbing oil over their muscles they spread mapel syrup. its weird, but delicious. some of these body builders looked like they could crush my head between their man boobs... no matter how much i offered to pay them. one of them recognized me and said 'hey, you better not make fun of us in your monologue, eh.' and i'm like 'of course not sir, i would never do that. i give you my word'. but now i am safely 2000 miles away... some of these people were pretty freaky looking. i call them beef monsters, crunch monkeys, muscle crows. they were walking around all top heavy and they are all deep orange! apparently they think the spray tan helps define their muscles under the stage lights, but it looks really wierd when they are just walking around. their whole body shade looked like a cross between cheetos and snookie! i could never have a massive ripped body myself, jazzercise only gets you so far...'

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