+ 'its memorial day where we honor the great men and women who defend our country,' craig announces, 'thank you. and we celebrate their service with sales on mattresses! all across the country today its a great day to get a deal on a mattress. 'america's military is as tough as nails, unlike our mattresses!' the car dealerships also have a memorial day sale, they bring out the heavy artillery: theyve got those blowey guys out front doing their thing. on memorial day weekend they put extra blow in the blowey guys, did you know that? by the way, theres a place on hollywood boulevard where theyve got blowey guys and mattresses, but its not a mattress store... here at cbs the network has its annual memorial day tradition of not giving me the day off. thats right, the network motto is 'cbs cares... about making the immigrant work on the holidays'. i wish there were some way to prerecord the show so i wouldnt have to come in on memorial day. aw, it would never work! most people had a three day weekend. the only thing better than that is a four day weekend. unfortunately theres only one four day weekend a year, thats thanksgiving. stupid pilgrims. would it have killed you to invite the indians over for dinner twice in the same year?'

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