+ 'today is a great day for america, but not such a great day for paris hilton' craig ferguson reminds us, 'yes, over the weekend she was arrested for cocaine possession. i'm like 'oh, paris paris paris, come on!' now, in her defence, and i am going to come to her defense, it was in las vegas. oh, come on, its in vegas! in vegas cocaine is served at the breakfast buffet! 'you want bacon? you want to light a tube? what do you want?' police found cocaine in her purse. they became suspicious when that little dog she keeps in there was seen with a rolled up dollar bill. 'thats my stash, bitch!' paris says someone else left their cocaine in her purse. now, isnt this the same thing she said when she was busted with pot? it was a friend's pot in her purse. in legal circles this is called 'the lindsay lohan' defense. lindsay said someone left cocaine in her pants! thats true! it turned out well for her... i'm going to start using that defense- when a joke bombs on this show, i'm going to say its someone elses joke. i'm going to say a friend left it in my mouth. if i had a nickle for every time i said that...'

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