9-03-10

+'its a big weekend at the movies this weekend, i'm very excited', craig ferguson tells, 'because today the first bon a fide oscar contender hits the theater: robert rodriguez movie 'machete'. robert rodriguez never disappoints me, this one is great, its got violence nudity and don johnson. come on! violence! nudity! don johnson! come on! take that, al quida! its awesome. so i will be going to the movies this weekend to see the romantic comedy 'going the distance'. because i'm married. after i've seen going the distance, i will roam the isles of pottery barn browsing for throw pillows wondering if they have a candle that can restore my dignity. 'excuse me, do you have anything that smells like dude?', 'sorry, try bed, balls, and beyond'. i havent seen going the distance, i'm sure its awesome. im sure there is a scene in there where someone runs through the airport with flowers. its very tricky these days because of air port security. 'i have to catch the love of my life before she waits in line for the fat guy to frisk her'. now, going the distance is probably good because its got drew barrymore in it, and i like drew barrymore. do you craig? yes i do. as a talk show host i admire drew barrymore because when she was on david letterman she jumped on his desk and flashed her boobies. thank you! a guest participating in the show! the possibility of being flashed by a guest is what keeps me doing this show every night...'

+ d j qualls

- brooke shields