+ 'its a great day for scientists', craig ferguson shares, 'i know i give scientists a rough time on this show, i've said from time to time that they are under sexed mouse torturers who dont know nothing. but every once in a while scientists invent something cool, and its happened today. look at this: scientists have invented a tractor beam! i should probably explain for those of you who are not geeks, a tractor beam is a staple of science fiction shows; star wars, star trek, anything with stars. its basically a beam of light that can move stuff around or draw it toward you. for example, if i saw a plate of donuts over here, and i had a tractor beam, i could use a tractor beam to pull it into my mouth. thats right, my needs are simple. whenever there is an earth shattering technical breakthrough i go 'hmm, how can i use this to pull things into my mouth?' and then i think about using it for food... i'm very excited about this, the tractor beam is only able to move microscopic particles for now, and it can only move them a few feet, but its only a matter of time before we can use this for practicle purposes like porn! anyway, everyone should be excited about this new tractor beam, except maybe farmers. 'they are putting some good tractors out of work!' i understand that some technology makes people angry. i am a bit of a luddite as well. luddites were textile workers in 19th century england who protested against the industrial revolution because they thought new technology would put them out of work and destroy their way of life, so they went around smashing mechanical weaving looms. imagine what they would say today if they could see the bedazzler! 'why, this bedazzler is satan's work!' the only place you can really learn about the luddites now is on the wikipedia. kind of ironic, isnt it?'

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