+ 'here on the west coast we are still cleaning up after last night's music video awards', craig ferguson jests, 'at least i'm cleaning up- i experienced major flooding in my pants! did you watch the mtv video music awards? i watched every minute of it! i love seeing all the happenin' bands, you know, like the spin doctors and the wang chungs and the kingston trios. they are all still happening, right? i only watched some of it, only about 3o seconds. i tried to watch it all, but i couldnt- real housewives of new jersey was on! can you believe jaqueline and ashley are fighting again?!? now, vma may stand for video music awards, but i felt it was more like vulgar mouthed adolescence! am i right elderly people? see, after watching vma's for a while i felt like a creepy dude who wont stop hanging around with young people. whats the name for someone like that? oh, thats right- kurt loder! how old am i? i'll tell ya: the first time i watched the best new artist was beethoven, kanye west interrupted a dinosaur! cher had most of her original parts! the host was a middle aged larry king! thats how long ago it was! even at my age though i recognize a lot of today's music because its on in the background while i try on shoes at hot topic...'

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