+ 'its a frightening day here at the studio!' craig ferguson exclaims, 'the reason we started late today is that something happened here in the studio today. it started like any other day: i come into the studio, i have my nap, i fire someone, i get a massage from the person i fired, i rehire them... but today, this is why we are late, this really happened today, today someone sent here an envelop containing white powder! i said 'oh!'. i told them that i would test it for them if they want... i have a special test that i conducted from 1979 through 1992... but the police were like 'no no' they did a test and its not dangerous, so relax everyone, calm your real authentic panic. you have no excuse to leave, its perfectly safe to be here. it was a very scary situation, i mean really frightening! my first concern of course was for my staff. and by staff i mean penis. 'craig, how can you make penis jokes at a time like this?!?' i am a professional comedian, its what i do! this was a frightening thing today. in the old days if someone had sent me white powder i would have been like 'yeah!' i would snorted it, gone crazy, and ended up at a party in elton john's house or rehab or both. but now a days white powder in the mail is bad. i called cbs security and say 'hey' and they said 'we're busy.' i said 'i am a personal friend of drew carrey' and they sent someone over right away! it was going crazy around the studio, there were helicopters buzzing around everywhere, people are rushing around. this is the most attention this show has gotten since... well, this is the most attention the show has ever gotten!'

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