3-01-11

+ 'look, theres a lot going on today', craig ferguson states, 'a lot of things going on in the world, unrest in the middle east and north africa, theres strife with the public workers, fincancial crisis in washington, but nevermind because its national pig day! yes its true, it is! its a real day, its the day we celebrate an animal thats intelegent, adorable, and most of all, delicious! i look forward to your letters, your letters from vegitarians. i look forward to your smug joyless tofu stained letter written in beet juice. anyway, tonights show is going to be pork-tacular, we're going the whole hog, we're going to be getting piggy with it, it will be unbesqueelable! look, pig related humor caused me some inner termoil. i've been doing this show for six years now and only one joke i regret telling was about a pig. specifically george clooney's pig. he had a pet pig who passed away and he was very sad. and because i am some vulgar late night douche i made a joke about it and i wish i hadnt done it. i'm ashamed and i will never repeat the joke. which went like this: what happened is he had this pig and it died and he had it for 18 years and i said 'well of course, after a touching memorial service, everyone will be going back to clooney's house for bacon sandwiches'. i'm not proud, it was a rotten thing to say. i like pigs. some people put their money in a piggy bank, not me. i would always be tempted to break it, thats why i keep my money in a real pig cause you wouldnt be tempted to go in after it. its like 'i dont have enough money for... well, theres money in the pig. eh, doesnt matter, i'll let it go'.'

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