+ happy birthday craig ferguson! sunday was his birthday and craig is feeling old! he has a few things to say about it: 'i don't like birthdays. i hate being the center of attention, thats why i do this show. i always, after my birthday, i try to think about things i'm grateful for: so, i'm grateful that my hip doesn't hurt, i'm grateful that i've been out here a couple minutes and i still dont have to take a wee...'
'i was a born a torus, its the sign of a bul. if your under the sign of a bull you have to put up with it your whole life. i dont necessarily believe the sign determines who you are. although i will admit i sometimes stomp my foot and i charge at spanish men in tight pants.'
+ dan mcvicker and craig get into a melodramatic fight

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