+ 'here's the thing on everyone's mind', craig ferguson states, 'test tube hamburgers!  yeah, thats me, the willie lohman of late night, i'm going to try and sell you this one!  test tube hamburgers, we have have finally figured out how to make meat in test tubes.  there's an article about it in 'the telegraph'.  thats a british news paper, a classy newspaper.  they dont just hack celebrities phones, they would hack downton abbey- thats how classy they are!  'i say, lady mary has a problem with a dead turkish gentleman'  'what should we do?' 'usher him away...'  what i'm saying is this is big news for scientists and hamburgers- two of my favorite things!  dutch scientists say what they have done is they have created artificial meat from stem cells, and in about 8 months they will have a complete hamburger patty.  when i first heard this i was shocked, i though 'there are dutch scientists?!?'  thats got to be uncomfortable working in a lab with those giant wooden shoes on!  'cant walk over to microscope... must put finger in dike...'  there are still a lot of questions about this artificial hamburger though: is it healthy? does it go well with cheese?  can david hasselhoff eat it from the floor?  unfortunately this artificial hamburger technology is not perfected.  to make a complete patty, scientists say it will cost 400,000 dollars per burger.  so the first ten have already been ordered by mit romney.'
# carson kressley

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