+ 'today is marti gras', craig ferguson shares, 'which is french for 'fat tuesday'. thats right, marti is tuesday, gras is gross, fat. it makes sense. unfortunately we are so politically correct these days you cant say 'fat tuesday', you have to say 'big boned day after monday'. the parties in new orleans went crazy today, lots of food and drink. i think new orleans, i have to say, i think they have the best food in america. personally, i like the crawfish. i remember when i was there a local guy told me how to eat crawfish, he said 'you have to suck the head and pinch the tail. so i did that, and later i went out and had some crawfish. you know how everyone throws the beads on mari gras? well, the guys do. the beads are paid for by select groups of local businessmen, you know, they ride on elaborate floats and toss trinkets to the desperate masses. which is, coincidentally, mit romney's economic plan... now remember, throwing beads at a woman expecting her to flash her boobies works at marti gras, but only marti gras! i learned that the hard way. thats why i can never go back to red lobster...'
* bill maher
- eloise mumford