+ 'its a great day for the entire world', craig ferguson states, 'everyone is breathing a little easier today, the stand off between the united states and its mortal enemy is finally over. i'm not talking about iran, that stand off is still in progress, teran is still cranking out nukes like malibu cranks out kardashians. are kardashians from malibu? i think they started off in malibu, but now they are everywhere, they are kind of like tribbles. no, i'm talking about the stand off between america, the good guys, and these monsters to the north we call canadians! let me explain, for years the american daredevil nik wallenda has wanted to walk the tight rope over the niagra falls. the officials in new york quickly granted him the necessary permits. why? because we are american and love freedom and dangerous pointless stunts! but the canadians were refusing to allow the stunt until today! the canadians only granted him permission today. i think they were afraid because they have the free health care, that if the guy falls on their side they are bankrupt! i hope they take the tight rope down, because after he's done thats a wide open door for other canadians to sneak over the tight rope into america!'
- jeffrey tambor
- amy smart