11-17-10

+ 'its a great day for our friends over in the uk', craig ferguson shares, 'cause everyone over there is talking about prince williams engagement, hes marrying his long time girlfriend kate middleton. the looks great, she's actually normal looking! according to british law, when she gets married, shes third in line to be queen. so, move over elton john. the royal family is elated, william reportedly sat down with prince charles and said 'dad, i've got great news!' 'what? grandma's dead?' poor prince charles, he's afraid he will never be king. he spends more time hugging the thrown than a bolemic supermodel. after he heard the news, prince charles pulled his son aside and said 'son, marriage is a lot of hard work. i know because someone once told me what hard work was, and it sounded a bit like marriage'. now, i make fun of prince charles, but thats not fair. he's done a decent job of raising those sons, william and harry, they both went into the military. harry risked his life in afganistan, william is a rescue helicopter pilot for the r.a.f. just last month he had his first rescue mission: he swooped down and saved someone from eating british food 'dont do it, blood pudding is actually made of blood!' 'what? i cant hear you over the helicopter!'. if your british, you might as well be excited about the royal wedding, cause you are paying for it... some british people think that your favorite royal says a lot about who you are. for instance, if your favorite royal is queen elizabeth you are distinguished and respectful, if your favorite royal is prince harry you are impish and irreverent. if your favorite royal is prince charles, then you are prince charles.'

- russell crowe