+ 'a couple of very big movies opening today', craig ferguson informs, 'the action movie 'red' with bruce willis, morgan freeman, and helen mirren. and 'jackass 3D' with johnny knoxville and that midget thats always running around in his underpants. whats the name of that midget in the underpants again? thats right, tom cruise. hey craig, knock it off! now tom cruise will never be on this show! anyway, jackass 3D and red are very different movies, of course. one has a bunch of dangerous stunts done by people who aught to know better, and the other one is jackass 3D. you know what i'd like to see? helen mirren in a jackass movie! that would be awesome! 'this one is called 'shopping cart down a hill'! please affix an alligator to my nipple'. apparently in jackass 3D the guys play tether ball with a beehive, which is awesome, unless you are the bee. then thats not a hilarious stunt, thats like a home invasion. that would be like turning my ferret hut into a whack-a-mole!'

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