2-15-12

+ 'i was a bit nervous this morning', craig ferguson admits, 'today is the day of my annual physical.  i went to my doctor, he's a very old fashioned country doctor. and by that i mean he uses leeches.  they are his receptionists.  no no, i just took a lot of drugs today.  no, not really.  i've had this doctor for years, so he's seen me go from unemployed actor to unemployed actor with a talk show in the middle of the night.  earlier today he gave me the exam, and yes, the rumors are true: i'm pregnant!  so far the tests aren't back, but i got a clean bill of health. he gave me the blood test, the lung test, the 'finger' test... i get them all every year, except the finger test, i get that every week.  sometimes by a doctor!  anyway, before the finger test, this is true, before the finger test he checks out your junk to make sure everything is where its supposed to be.  now, i'm european, if you know what i'm saying.  certain parts of my body are different from many american born men.  lets just say my captain wears his cap to dinner...  my doctor, you know, has seen this before, but today he looks at it and says 'you know, i could fix that up for you'  i ask 'what do you mean?'  'you know, tidy it up'.  i'm like 'leave it alone!'  he did the finger test and he said that my prostate is a little enlarged but that's normal for a man your age.  i said 'i don't think its enlarged, i think it just gets enlarged because of what you are doing right now!'
- jon cryer
- morena baccarin