2-02-12

+ 'its a great day for mitt romney, or course', craig ferguson states, 'he was endorsed by donald trump.  it was a split decision though, the thing on trump's head endorsed gingrich!  anyway, the thing on trumps head isnt the only groundhog in the news, it is of course groundhog day today.  punxatawney phil saw his shadow, predicting six more weeks of winter.  a groundhog is not an accurate weather predictor.  its just not true.  a groundhog knows about as much about weather as mitt romney knows about poor people.  as wikipedia knows about fact checking.  as david hasselhoff knows about eating a hamburger from a table.  as herman cain and bill clinton know about abstinence.  now if you dont know what a groundhog is, its a big rodent.  its the same as a woodchuck.  so when you hear 'how much wood would a woodchuck chuck' its actually referring to a groundhog.  and the answer is of course, lots and lots of wood.  like a party at elton john's house.'
- daniel radcliffe
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