+ 'its a great day for america, everybody', craig ferguson exclaims, 'i know what you are thinking 'craig, you are a human being of sorts, it cant be a great day for you every day'.  its not a great day for me.  i'm very upset.  so i think 'oh, today is my favorite day, the day that star magazine comes out'  so i rushed off to the newsstand and picked up the latest issue.  i'm going through it, i'm looking at the celebrities, and then i come to a page and i find this: i am having a feud with katie curic and i didnt even know about it!  it says 'abandoned by craig'  and there's katie looking all beautiful and lovely, which she is, and theres me looking like a bastard.  i'm like 'no katie, your loveliness will not be accepted by me because i'm a bastard!'  here's what it says: katie curic's daytime talk show is quickly making her the queen of the airwaves and has her fellow television host seeing green.  apparently i am very jealous of katie's ratings.  we are on at different times of day!  she's on during the day and i'm on in the middle of the fucking night!!!  oh, and here's a quote from a friend of mine: 'he's totally bitter and annoyed by her success'.  you know the weirdest thing about gossip?  katie's been trying to approach me, apparently.  i'm like 'where?'  it says craig's friends think that he and katie either dated at some point- i wish! or she has spurned his advances.  this is true. and then there's the quote 'there is no other explanation for his sour grapes'.  'craig is not interested in repairing their friendship  from 'a source'.  this is how insidious gossip is: i'm reading this and i'm like 'well, there's no smoke without fire'.  yes there is smoke without fire!  look, let me get this straight katie, i am interested in repairing our friendship!  except i never knew about this- now i dont know what to believe!  whats going on?!?'
- susan sarandon
* david benioff

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